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We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.7

We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. with this statement? v. 7
It is generally thought that citizens ought to dedicate to their own nations instead of caring for others-blooded people because it is unfeasible to help all people who suffer hard conditions in the world. Although I understand the excuses of this view, this essay will partly concur with this because of the reasons below. On the one hand, I will not take issue with the point that the home nations should be priority when having any grant. Even in the developed countries, there are many impoverished people, and these needs the support of the governments indeed. If these people are ignored, there is likelihood that they must commit a crime such as stealing to subsist. As a result, the societies will suffer the appreciable increase in crime rate. Besides, the destitute in a same community should be given opportunities to get a job because when labouring, they could devote themselves for the societies, which means that the strength of the nations will be boosted. On the other hand, governments should take part in international campaigns because they could bring a great deal of benefits. Firstly, for the rich countries, supporting others is deemed a practical method to claim their position in the world. America, for instance, donates an enormous amount of money for global organizations such as WHO, UNISEP and it is doubtless that this country have considerable impacts on the world. Moreover, with the advent of strange problems such as virus, it is necessary for countries to join hands to solve them because such matters are super complicated and a sole nation could not handle by themselves. In conclusion, I believe that the governments should spend special concerns for the own countries, nonetheless, they also need to care the international situations
It is
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that citizens ought to dedicate to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
instead
of caring for others-blooded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is unfeasible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who suffer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
conditions in the world. Although I understand the excuses of this view, this essay will partly concur with this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the reasons below.

On the one hand, I will not take issue with the point that the home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should be priority when having any grant. Even in the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
impoverished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and these needs the support of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
indeed
. If these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
, there is likelihood that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
commit a crime such as stealing to subsist.
As a result
, the societies will suffer the appreciable increase in crime rate.
Besides
, the destitute in a same community should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when
Possible spelling mistake. 'labouring' is British English.
labouring
, they could devote themselves for the societies, which means that the strength of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
will
be boosted
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in international campaigns
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they could bring a great deal of benefits.
Firstly
, for the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, supporting others
is deemed
a practical method to claim their position in the world. America,
for instance
, donates an enormous amount of money for global organizations such as
Did you mean "whom"?
WHO
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
UNISEP
and it is doubtless that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
have considerable impacts on the world.
Moreover
, with the advent of strange problems such as virus, it is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
hands to solve them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such matters are super complicated and a sole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
could not handle by themselves.

In conclusion
, I believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should spend special concerns for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, nonetheless, they
also
need to care the international situations
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. with this statement? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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