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Nowadays more people are choosing to live with friends or along rather than with their families. This trend is likely to have a negative impact on communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

Nowadays more people are choosing to live with friends or along rather than with their families. This trend is likely to have a negative impact on communities. with this opinion? v. 1
At the present time, famous people are more popular for their charm and prosperity than their hard work, which portraits a negative example for the youngsters. This essay agrees with the aforementioned statement. This essay will first, discuss, that youngsters are more attracted to their looks and thus undertake harmful activities and further, outline that they follow their bad habits and lifestyle and thus grasp bad habits which spoil their lives. It is clear that young people are mesmerised by the beauty and physical appearance of movie actors and take every possible step to adopt that. This is to say, youngsters do rigorous exercises, follow strict diets and intake steroids, which although will help them to get the physique similar to the actors and actresses, but later they will suffer from health problems. As a consequence, their entire life will be completely finished. To elucidate, a recent study conducted by The Times showed that more than 80 percent of young adults suffer from some physical problems as they involve in detrimental activities in order to adopt their looks. Apart from this, young people are magnetized with the lifestyle and parties for the famous people and try to adopt all their negative habits and behaviours which hampers their overall personality. In other words, young people have an opinion that in order to live their life as famous people they follow their footpaths, thus develop habits of drinking, smoking and illegal drugs. As a result, they are not able to build a successful career. To exemplify, a recent study conducted by The Times of India found that more than 60 percent of young adults become addicted to drugs and alcohol by copying famous people. To conclude, In my opinion, I vehemently agree that the celebrity's glamorous lifestyle and success set a pessimistic example for young people as they not only undertake harmful steps to enhance their looks and physical appearance, but also copy their bad habits and behaviours, eventually destroying their lives.
At the present time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more popular for their charm and prosperity than their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, which portraits a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
example for the youngsters. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the aforementioned statement. This essay will
first
, discuss, that youngsters are more attracted to their looks and
thus
undertake harmful activities and
further
, outline that they follow their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
and lifestyle and
thus
grasp
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
which spoil their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
Possible spelling mistake. 'mesmerised' is British English.
mesmerised
by the beauty and physical appearance of movie actors and take every possible step to adopt that. This is to say, youngsters do rigorous exercises, follow strict diets and intake steroids, which although will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the physique similar to the actors and actresses,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
later they will suffer from health problems. As a consequence, their entire life will be completely finished. To elucidate, a recent study conducted by The Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that more than 80 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical problems as they involve in detrimental activities in order to adopt their looks.

Apart from this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are magnetized
with the lifestyle and parties for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and try to adopt all their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
which hampers their
overall
personality.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have an opinion that in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their life as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they follow their footpaths,
thus
develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
of drinking, smoking and illegal drugs.
As a result
, they are not able to build a successful career. To exemplify, a recent study conducted by The Times of India found that more than 60 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults become addicted to drugs and alcohol by copying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
, In my opinion, I
vehemently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the celebrity's glamorous lifestyle and success set a pessimistic example for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as they not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
undertake harmful steps to enhance their looks and physical appearance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
copy their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
,
eventually
destroying their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays more people are choosing to live with friends or along rather than with their families. This trend is likely to have a negative impact on communities. with this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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