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Nowadays more people are choosing to live with friends or alone rather than with their families. This trend is likely to have a negative impact on communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.2

Nowadays more people are choosing to live with friends or alone rather than with their families. This trend is likely to have a negative impact on communities. with this opinion? v. 2
An increasing number of people these days prefer to live in solitary or with intimates instead of staying with their parents and families. In my opinion, this increasing trend can cause some dire problems, such as tension between parents and children and even it could elevate the drug usage in teenagers. This essay is going to illustrate some of the negative consequences this drift could bring to society. Firstly, children learn to respect their parents and elders by spending time with them. In other words, children develop a sense of admiration for their elders by praising their wise decisions which is impossible to happen if they are not observing them in day-to-day lives. For example, most of the psychological studies have shown that children mostly reflect the values of their parent which they usually learned by observation. Therefore, it’s essential for children to live with their parents in order to learn and acquire social norms and values. In addition, living with friends or alone can lead teenagers to more narcotic use because there will be no regulatory body present to stop them from doing that. Most teenagers are not aware of the harmful effects of drugs and they unknowingly need someone to warn them about these kinds of things. For example, statistical data collected from all over the globe has shown that 60 percent of the drug addicts are those who are living alone or have lost their parents in a very young age. In conclusion, although people can have independence in their actions by living alone or with friends, but this independence comes with a price which is far greater than that someone can think of. So, it’s generally recommended to stay with families to develop social norms and avoid nasty temptations.
An increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
these days prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in solitary or with intimates
instead
of staying with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and families. In my opinion, this increasing trend can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
dire problems, such as tension between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and even it could elevate the drug usage in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. This essay is going to illustrate
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences this drift could bring to society.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn to respect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and elders by spending time with them.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
develop a sense of admiration for their elders by praising their wise decisions which is impossible to happen if they are not observing them in day-to-day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For example
, most of the psychological studies have shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
mostly
reflect the values of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
which they
usually
learned by observation.
Therefore
, it’s essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in order to learn and acquire social norms and values.

In addition
, living with friends or alone can lead
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to more narcotic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there will be no regulatory body present to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
them from doing that. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are not aware of the harmful effects of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
drugs and
they
unknowingly
need someone to warn them about these kinds of things.
For example
, statistical data collected from all over the globe has shown that 60 percent of the drug addicts are those who are living alone or have lost their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can have independence in their actions by living alone or with friends,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this independence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with a price which is far greater than that someone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it’s
generally
The verb 'recommended' is used with the gerund form: "recommended staying".
recommended to stay
with families to develop social norms and avoid nasty temptations.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays more people are choosing to live with friends or alone rather than with their families. This trend is likely to have a negative impact on communities. with this opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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