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Now a lot of people in the college are doing academic study we should encourage them to learn a vocational skills like plumber electrician Do you agree or disagree v.1

Now a lot of people in the college are doing academic study we should encourage them to learn a vocational skills like plumber electrician v. 1
An increasing number of people are moving away from meeting people physically, they are now more tuned towards connecting through the internet. In my opinion, this is a negative development because it can cause harmful situations later in life. Firstly, this can impact adversely on the youths as they meet with all sorts of people without knowing their backgrounds. They are able to communicate with different individuals whom they do not know their history or family life and this can pose danger for them. For example, someone in Australia is able to speak freely with another human from Nigeria, who they have never met physically. They tell them everything about their lives, forgetting they cannot vouch for them. Secondly, they end up spending the time that could have been used for more effective things talking to their friends on the net. Interacting with new individuals, especially from the same age group can be intriguing, fun and interesting as well. This tends to make them lose focus because they spend a majority of the day chatting or making video calls. For instance, a school student can easily be distracted during examinations by Whatsapp voice call, Skype or Instagram. Finally, online applications save media, which are in the form of photos and videos and when these are shared, it can be used against them in the future. Despite being acquaintances, situations happen and someone may decide to start blackmailing the other person with a photo or video that was sent years ago. In conclusion, meeting online is an unfavourable development and the government should place some restrictions on certain age category as regards online socialising, while the parents has the responsibility of sensitising their wards on the pros and cons of meeting people on the internet.
An increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are moving away from meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
physically
, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
more tuned towards connecting through the internet. In my opinion, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can cause harmful situations later in life.

Firstly
, this can impact
adversely
on the youths as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with all sorts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without knowing their backgrounds. They are able to communicate with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
individuals whom they do not know their history or family life and this can pose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
for them.
For example
, someone in Australia is able to speak
freely
with another human from Nigeria, who they have never met
physically
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
them everything about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, forgetting they cannot vouch for them.

Secondly
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up spending the time that could have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for more effective things talking to their friends on the net. Interacting with new individuals,
especially
from the same age group can be intriguing, fun and interesting
as well
. This tends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them lose focus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they spend a majority of the day chatting or making video calls.
For instance
, a school student can
easily
be distracted
during examinations by
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatsapp
voice call, Skype or Instagram.

Finally
, online applications save media, which are in the form of photos and videos and when these
are shared
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
against them in the future. Despite being acquaintances, situations happen and someone may decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
blackmailing the other person with a photo or video that was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
years ago.

In conclusion
, meeting online is an
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
development and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
restrictions on certain age category as regards online
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialising' is British English.
socialising
, while the parents has the responsibility of
Possible spelling mistake. 'sensitising' is British English.
sensitising
their wards on the pros and cons of meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the internet.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Now a lot of people in the college are doing academic study we should encourage them to learn a vocational skills like plumber electrician v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
294 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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