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Nowadays more and more people have to compete with young people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions? v.5

Nowadays more and more people have to compete with young people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions? v. 5
In today's world, there is an increase in the number of senior people competing with younger ones for the similar opportunities. The principal problem this cause is an increase in unemployment in the society, the most viable solution is to bring in changes to the education system to incorporate a mandatory internship for the graduate degree. The primary trouble associated with experienced men and women competing with fresh graduates for the same role is a rise in unemployment in the society. This is because younger people are most likely to have advanced degree because of which they gain more knowledge in various subjects related to their degree, making them to have more chances to be selected for the role they have applied for, leaving senior people unemployed. But, due to lack of real world experience, they are having a hard time sustaining in their jobs. For example, a recent survey conducted by the Times of India shows that there is over 3% rise in unemployment compared to last year because of companies firing employees who exhibited poor performance, most of them are recent graduates. The long term solution for this problem is bringing change in the education system to equip younger graduates with real time experience in their respective field. Younger people who graduated with experience from the universities are more likely to perform well in their roles thus have less chances to lose their jobs when taking performance into account. For instance, In Germany, it is required for every student to do an internship in their related field before graduation due to which the number of people unemployed among recent graduates is lower when compared with other countries. In conclusion, the main problem with many experienced and younger people applying for the same roles is an incline in unemployment, but this can be addressed by making modifications to the education system.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, there is an increase in the number of senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
competing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
ones for the similar opportunities. The principal problem this cause is an increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
in the society, the most viable solution is to bring in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
to the education system to incorporate a mandatory internship for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
degree.

The primary trouble associated with experienced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women competing with fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
for the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
is a rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
in the society. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are most likely to have advanced degree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which they gain more knowledge in various subjects related to their degree, making them to have more chances to
be selected
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
they have applied for, leaving senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
unemployed.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, due to lack of real world experience, they are having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
time sustaining in their jobs.
For example
, a recent survey conducted by
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
the Times of India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that there is over 3% rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
compared to last year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
firing employees who exhibited poor performance, most of them are recent graduates.

The long term solution for this problem is bringing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the education system to equip
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
with real time experience in their respective field.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who graduated with experience from the universities are more likely to perform well in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
thus
have
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun chances is countable.
less
chances to lose their jobs when taking performance into account.
For instance
, In Germany, it
is required
for every student to do an internship in their related field
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
graduation due to which the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
unemployed among recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
is lower when compared with other countries.

In conclusion
, the main problem with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
experienced and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
applying for the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
is an incline in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this can
be addressed
by making modifications to the education system.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays more and more people have to compete with young people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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