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Nowadays more and more people have to compete with young people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions? v.2

Nowadays more and more people have to compete with young people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions? v. 2
People seeking jobs are now facing stiff competition from the young generation. The primary problem this situation cause is the increase in the poverty rate between aged people due to unemployment and the most viable solution is that the government should reserve certain job positions for senior citizens. Old people these days are not getting enough job opportunities and that results in increasing the poverty rate for many people above the age of 50. In other words, when both old and youngsters apply for the same jobs employers prefer to hire young people because they are highly qualified and may be willing to work in less salary. As a result, aged people are jobless and many of them are getting in poverty. To illustrate, a recent survey conducted by the New York Times revealed that in countries such as the UK the poverty rate among old people has been increased to 20% in the last 10 years. The possible solution to this predicament is that the states should implement a reservation system for old people. That is to say that, senior citizens often do not have any financial support, and they need employment to earn for their living. Therefore, they should be given equal opportunities to earn and this could solve the problem of poverty to some extent. For example, according to a report by the Guardian, a similar initiative was taken by Japan resulted in a 30% decrease in the poverty rate among old people. In conclusion, with young and old people, competing together for the same post may lead to an increased poverty rate for aged people and to solve this problem the states should step in and execute a quota system for elderly people.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
seeking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
facing stiff competition from the young generation. The primary problem this situation cause is the increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
between aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
due to unemployment and the most viable solution is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should reserve certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
positions for senior citizens.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days are not getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities and that results in increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
above the age of 50.
In other words
, when both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
and youngsters apply for the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
employers prefer to hire young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
highly
qualified and may be willing to work in less salary.
As a result
, aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are jobless and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them are getting in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
. To illustrate, a recent survey conducted by the New York Times revealed that in countries such as the UK the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
been increased
to 20% in the last 10 years.

The possible solution to this predicament is that the states should implement a reservation system for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
That is
to say that, senior citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
do not have any financial support, and they need employment to earn for their living.
Therefore
, they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
equal opportunities to earn and this could solve the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.
For example
, according to a report by the Guardian, a similar initiative
was taken
by Japan resulted in a 30% decrease in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, with young and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, competing together for the same post may lead to an increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
for aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and to solve this problem the states should step in and execute a quota system for elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays more and more people have to compete with young people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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