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Nowadays more and more people have to compete with young people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions? v.1

Nowadays more and more people have to compete with young people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions? v. 1
It is true that young and old people are competing for the same jobs. The main problem this causes is that more people will take early retirement and consume government pensions and the most viable solution is that the government should reserve some jobs for these sections of individuals. The principle problem associated of competing with young individuals is that the older generation will be out of work soon, and unwillingly choose to take an early retirement. The knockoff effect of this is that, as more and more people quit their jobs early, a higher number of people will opt for their pension funds and become a burden on the government. Moreover, the government will have to reconsider any other major economic investment since they have to take care of their unemployed citizens first. For example, according to a recent study by the Time magazine, the number of people opting for an early retirement has risen by 10% in the last decade. To tackle the problem, the government could reserve some jobs for individuals based on their job experience. Some jobs, such as doctors and engineers, require a high degree of skill in their profession, and this can only be achieved if a person has worked in his job for a long time. By assigning a quota system based on experience, the government can ensure that a portion of these jobs are allocated to deserving candidates. The result of this is that people with a wealth of experience can acquire high demanding job posts, and at the same time share their knowledge with their younger colleagues as well. In conclusion, old people getting replaced by younger generation will result in unemployment and over consumption of government funds, however it can be address by allocating job quotas based on experience.
It is true that young and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are competing for the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. The main problem this causes is that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
retirement and consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
pensions and the most viable solution is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should reserve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for these sections of individuals.

The principle problem associated of competing with young individuals is that the older generation will be out of work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
, and
unwillingly
choose to take an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
retirement.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
knockoff effect of this is that, as more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
quit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
, a higher number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will opt for their pension funds and become a burden on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
reconsider any other major economic investment since they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take care of their unemployed citizens
first
.
For example
, according to a recent study by the Time magazine, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opting for an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
retirement has risen by 10% in the last decade.

To tackle the problem, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could reserve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for individuals based on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, such as doctors and engineers, require a high degree of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
in their profession, and this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be achieved
if a person has worked in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for a long time. By assigning a quota system based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can ensure that a portion of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are allocated
to deserving candidates. The result of this is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a wealth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
can acquire high demanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
posts, and at the same
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
time share
their knowledge with their younger colleagues
as well
.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
getting replaced by younger generation will result in unemployment and over consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
funds,
however
it can be address by allocating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
quotas based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays more and more people have to compete with young people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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