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nowadays, more and more people decide to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? v.1

nowadays, more and more people decide to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? v. 1
Most of the youngsters are pursuing shopping as an activity to pass their leisure time. This trend is attributed to the increased use of adverts by companies to attract more and more buyers; however, it is a negative development because individuals- in this way- lose their financial resources, I believe. Unprecedented use of advertisements is acting as a magnet to persuade adults to buy new things. Companies, these days, have endorsed their recently unveiled products with the help of film or sports celebrities with a view to enticing potential buyers. This practice has resulted in the sales of products being skyrocketed as people, especially adults, often tend to imitate their favourite stars and the products used by them. Hence, more and more people are purchasing new items. Prada- one of the largest internationally owned fashion chains- is using famous Hollywood Stars to embrace their products recorded a threefold rise in their sales as soon as they started promoting their products in this way. However, shopping as an avocation can put an individual in a heavy financial strain. With a profound impact of commercials, youngsters are recklessly spending their earnings on the things, which they even do not need, making themselves grapple with their financial situation. Further use of plastic money to acquire new goods aggravates the situation as they eventually end up in heavy debt or often bankruptcy. In a recent research conducted by Bajaj Financery, it was revealed that young individuals usually overspend, making themselves fall prey to colossal debts. In conclusion, adults are purchasing more and more items by the influence of advertisements, but it is, by and large, a negative phenomenon, given the economic strain it delivers to shoppers.
Most of the youngsters are pursuing shopping as an activity to pass their leisure time. This trend
is attributed
to the increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of adverts by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to attract more and more buyers;
however
, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
individuals- in this way- lose their financial resources, I believe.

Unprecedented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of advertisements is acting as a magnet to persuade adults to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
new things.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
, these days, have endorsed their recently unveiled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of film or sports celebrities with a view to enticing potential buyers. This practice has resulted in the sales of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
being skyrocketed
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
adults,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
tend to imitate their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
stars and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by them.
Hence
, more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are purchasing new items. Prada- one of the largest
internationally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
fashion chains- is using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Hollywood Stars to embrace their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
recorded a threefold rise in their sales as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
promoting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in this way.

However
, shopping as an avocation can put an individual in a heavy financial strain. With a profound impact of commercials, youngsters are
recklessly
spending their earnings on the things, which they even do not need, making themselves grapple with their financial situation.
Further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of plastic money to acquire new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
aggravates the situation as they
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in heavy debt or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
bankruptcy. In a recent research conducted by Bajaj
Possible spelling mistake found.
Financery
, it
was revealed
that young individuals
usually
overspend, making themselves fall prey to colossal debts.

In conclusion
, adults are purchasing more and more items by the influence of advertisements,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is, by and large, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
phenomenon,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the economic strain it delivers to shoppers.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay nowadays, more and more people decide to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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