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Nowadays, many students decide to study in a foreign country. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? v.1

Nowadays, many students decide to study in a foreign country. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? v. 1
In comparison to decades ago, many individuals prefer to live by themselves. In my opinion, I believe that this shows a positive growth, due to the increase in societal status and contentment, which will be discussed further in the essay below. Nowadays, living alone requires enormous budgets that often only the upper-class are able to afford. The ‘Economist 2018’ magazine, for instance, stated that the US citizens earned more than USD$90, 000 annually on average, in comparison with Singaporean’s income of USD$50, 000 each year. Due to this, Americans have higher percentages of 50% for owning individual houses compared to the Singapore’s citizens. Hence, living independently refers to higher salaries earned within the society and societal status of an individual. Furthermore, living independently can significantly improve the individual’s mental well-being. Last year, researchers discovered that Switzerland citizen has the lowest suicide rate in contrast with other countries. Upon survey, the society claimed that every year they routinely separate themselves from public and live in solitude, in order to meditate and allow themselves to be more appreciative for what they own. Additionally, many scientists have suggested and supported this method to the public. Therefore, independent living can cause our mind to be happier and directly increase the mental health. In conclusion, the rise in living alone has generally led to a positive development. In my opinion, I believe that this behaviour displays a good sign within the community, as it shows that they have higher societal status and an increase in their mental health.
In comparison
to decades ago,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
by themselves. In my opinion, I believe that this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
growth, due to the increase in societal status and contentment, which will
be discussed
further
in the essay below.

Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
alone requires enormous budgets that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the upper-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
are able to afford. The ‘Economist 2018’ magazine,
for instance
, stated that the US citizens earned more than USD$90, 000
annually
on average,
in comparison
with Singaporean’s income of USD$50, 000 each year. Due to this, Americans have higher percentages of 50% for owning individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
compared to the Singapore’s citizens.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
independently
refers to higher salaries earned within the society and societal status of an individual.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
independently
can
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the individual’s mental well-being. Last year, researchers discovered that Switzerland citizen has the lowest suicide rate
in contrast
with other countries. Upon survey, the society claimed that every year they
routinely
separate themselves from public and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in solitude, in order to meditate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
themselves to be more appreciative for what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
scientists have suggested and supported this method to the public.
Therefore
, independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
can cause our mind to be happier and
directly
increase the mental health.

In conclusion
, the rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
alone has
generally
led to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development. In my opinion, I believe that this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
displays a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
within the community, as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that they have higher societal status and an increase in their mental health.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Nowadays, many students decide to study in a foreign country. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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