Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many students around the world don t choose science subjects at university Give the reasons for this and describe the impact on the community v.1

Many students around the world don t choose science subjects at university Give the reasons for this and describe the impact on the community v. 1
It has been observed that cultures and traditions have been changing with every generation. In my opinion the reason behind this is the disintegration of joint families along with a more career-oriented mindset of the recent generations. Several steps can be taken to change this. It is a well-known fact that cultural values and traditions are passed down from grandparents to grandchildren. However, due to changing lifestyle joint families are slowly and gradually getting converted to nuclear families. This prevents the grandparents from passing down beliefs and traditions to children. As the current generation is not aware of what their family beliefs and values are, they will follow the ones that they believe are appropriate. For example, children these days have little idea about most festivals. Secondly, as families become nuclear and parents focus more on their careers they have little time to transfer their culture and traditions to their children. Since, children learn from the actions of their parents, they end up acting in the same way with their children as their parents did with them. Therefore, this hampers the adoption of family values and traditions. To address the situation, people should be made aware of the benefits of staying in a joint family. This can be achieved through NGO or government agencies staging road shows or seminars that highlight the advantages. Furthermore, government should also contemplate to introduce additional tax benefits for people who prefer to stay in a joint family. To add to that, schools should introduce activities around culture and traditions that require greater involvement from parents. This would force the parents to contribute to the task and they would eventually end up passing down their traditions and cultures. To conclude, to ensure that age old traditions and cultures stay intact and are passed down to the younger generation, the government and schools should play an active role in spreading awareness about the positives of staying in a joint family and help facilitate conversation between parents and children on topics of culture and tradition through various activities.
It has
been observed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
have been changing with every generation. In my opinion the reason behind this is the disintegration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
along with a more career-oriented mindset of the recent generations. Several steps can
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
this.

It is a well-known fact that
cultural values and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
are passed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
down
from grandparents to grandchildren.
However
, due to changing lifestyle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are
slowly
and
gradually
getting converted to nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
the grandparents from passing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
down
beliefs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. As the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation is not aware of what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
beliefs and values are, they will follow the ones that they believe are appropriate.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
these days have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about most festivals.
Secondly
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
become nuclear and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
focus more on their careers they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time to transfer their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Since,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn from the actions of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up acting
in the same way
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
did with them.
Therefore
, this hampers the adoption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
values and traditions.

To address the situation,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
be made
aware of the benefits of staying in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. This can
be achieved
through NGO or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
agencies staging road
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
or seminars that highlight the advantages.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
also
contemplate to introduce additional tax benefits for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who prefer to stay in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to that, schools should introduce activities around
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
that require greater involvement from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. This would force the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to contribute to the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
task and
they would
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up passing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
down
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
and cultures.

To conclude
, to ensure that age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
stay intact and
are passed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
down
to the younger generation, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and schools should play an active role in spreading awareness about the positives of staying in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
facilitate conversation between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on topics of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
through various activities.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many students around the world don t choose science subjects at university Give the reasons for this and describe the impact on the community v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts