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nowadays, more and more people decide to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? v.2

nowadays, more and more people decide to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? v. 2
It is becoming increasingly popular for students to attend foreign education in recent years. This can bring both positive and negative implications. On one hand, although studying abroad is costly, its benefits can compensate the financial loss. To begin with, oversea students believe that studying in a foreign country is the best way to improve language proficiency. This allows them to use the foreign language on a regular basis. As a result, those who are educated abroad, though at first find it challenging to keep up to a conversation with native speakers, experience their language skills accelerated significantly afterward. Apart from this, a multitude of students claim that they become more independent of family since they are away far from home, which is a great chance to develop interpersonal skills. In particular, skills of financial management and problem solving are enhanced as these students no longer rely on their parents helps. It is reported that oversea students become more mature, comparing to theirs peers in home country. On the other hand, attending foreign school can also bring several drawbacks. Firstly, culture shock usually happens when students the first time visit new country, simply because of cross-culture misunderstand. This can lead to stress and loneliness for quite a number of students in the first few months, or even worse that some of them withdraw from foreign school and return with their family. More importantly, studying abroad often places a financial burden on many people. Therefore, students receiving oversea education find the need to have a job, which helps them to pay for tuition fee and living expenses. However, this may lead to distraction from schoolwork as these students are unable to balance between work and studying. Some students also report to be sweated in the strange land. In conclusion, while studying abroad can be popular for its huge benefits, it can have several downsides as well.
It is becoming
increasingly
popular for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
education in recent years. This can bring both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
implications.

On one hand, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
is costly, its benefits can compensate the financial loss. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, oversea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
country is the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
language proficiency. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
language on a regular basis.
As a result
, those who
are educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
, though at
first
find it challenging to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up to a conversation with native speakers, experience their language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
accelerated
significantly
afterward. Apart from this, a multitude of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
claim that they become more independent of family since they are away far from home, which is a great chance to develop interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
In particular
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of financial management and problem solving
are enhanced
as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
no longer rely on their parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
. It
is reported
that oversea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
become more mature, comparing to theirs peers in home country.

On the other hand
, attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
school can
also
bring several drawbacks.
Firstly
, culture shock
usually
happens when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
the
first
time visit new country,
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of cross-culture misunderstand. This can lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and loneliness for quite a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the
first
few months, or even worse that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them withdraw from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
school and return with their family. More
importantly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
places a financial burden on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
receiving oversea education find the need to have a job, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to pay for tuition fee and living expenses.
However
, this may lead to distraction from schoolwork as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are unable to balance between work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
also
report to
be sweated
in the strange land.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
can be popular for its huge benefits, it can have several downsides
as well
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay nowadays, more and more people decide to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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