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Nowadays, more and more people are moving from the countryside to cities, which are becoming overcrowded. What are the reasons for this movement to cities and what can be done to reduce it? v.1

Nowadays, more and more people are moving from the countryside to cities, which are becoming overcrowded. What are the reasons for this movement to cities and what can be done to reduce it? v. 1
Urbanisation is one of the latest trends in the modern era, and most of the people are migrating to larger cities from suburban areas, which creates community imbalance and an accumulation of population there. This essay will examine the causes of that immigration and the most applicable solutions. To begin with, all people are looking to be a city dweller for two main reasons, either to secure better financial status or to attain high qualifications. Firstly, due to our demanding lifestyle, everyone is seeking to pursue a career, and; apparently, cosmopolitan cities are full of employment opportunities; thus, higher income rates; for example, in India, research was carried out, which states that 50% of city employees are originally from suburban places. Secondly, even though the life expenses in urban areas, which may cost you a fortune for basic requirements, student are moving to large cities. In order to, attend to the most well-known prestigious universities. As soon as students finish their secondary schools, they apply to study in main cities to achieve their desire higher education. Nevertheless, there are some basic steps that can be taken to solve this issue. If the government created better job opportunities and more universities are constructed in a rural area, that would definitely tackle this dilemma. First point, can be done by the government, which should encourage investing in rural cities, that would eventually offer plentiful jobs. Similarly, construction of new collages and educational institutions in suburban, so boosting the education level immensely. For instance, by 2008, a university was built in Texas’s outskirts, which persuaded many students to remain and study. In conclusion, an increasing number of people are emigrating to major cities to; achieve their dream career, or to join the university to study; therefore, the most convenient approach to dealing with this issue, is to develop rural areas. If the most feasible measures are taken, that would return social equilibrium.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Urbanisation' is British English.
Urbanisation
is one of the latest trends in the modern era, and most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are migrating to larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
from suburban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, which creates community imbalance and an accumulation of population there. This essay will examine the causes of that immigration and the most applicable solutions.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are looking to be a city dweller for two main reasons, either to secure better financial status or to attain high qualifications.
Firstly
, due to our demanding lifestyle, everyone is seeking to pursue a career, and;
apparently
, cosmopolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are full of employment opportunities;
thus
, higher income rates;
for example
, in India, research
was carried
out, which states that 50% of city employees are
originally
from suburban places.
Secondly
,
even though
the life expenses in urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, which may cost you a fortune for basic requirements, student are moving to large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. In order to, attend to the most well-known prestigious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as students finish their secondary schools, they apply to study in main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
to achieve their desire higher education.

Nevertheless
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic steps that can
be taken
to solve this issue. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
created better job opportunities and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
are constructed
in a rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
, that would definitely tackle this dilemma.
First
point, can
be done
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, which should encourage investing in rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, that would
eventually
offer plentiful jobs.
Similarly
, construction of new collages and educational institutions in suburban,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
boosting the education level
immensely
.
For instance
, by 2008, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
was built
in Texas’s outskirts, which persuaded
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students to remain and study.

In conclusion
, an increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are emigrating to major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
to; achieve their dream career, or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
to study;
therefore
, the most convenient approach to dealing with this issue, is to develop rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. If the most feasible measures
are taken
, that would return social equilibrium.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, more and more people are moving from the countryside to cities, which are becoming overcrowded. What are the reasons for this movement to cities and what can be done to reduce it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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