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Nowadays more and more people are moving from countryside to cities, which are becoming overcrowded. What are the reasons for this movement and what can be done to reduce it? v.1

Nowadays more and more people are moving from countryside to cities, which are becoming overcrowded. What are the reasons for this movement and what can be done to reduce it? v. 1
Nowadays, there are many cities facing overcrowding due to the immigration of people from rural areas. This phenomenon has some causes and following effects which differ in various cities. This essay will express some fundamental reasons behind it and then suggest some solutions. First of all, it should be said that the most prevalent reason for immigration to urban areas is searching for a higher level of living standards. Expectedly, metropolitans have more advanced infrastructures and facilities compared to the countryside's, which can lead to the citizen's lifestyle improvement. For example, better education and medical services can intensify the desire to move to the cities. Moreover, in comparison to the suburb, cities offer greater employment positions with higher salaries. Subsequently, rural people prefer to move to the cities. On the other hand, many negative outcomes will be raised due to the increasing unchecked population. Therefore, there should be some policies and regulations to control population density. For instance, the government should provide reliable facilities and basic requirements such as healthcare services, safe transportation networks, and public leisure equipment in order to encourage people to stay in the rural areas. Moreover, job satisfaction and career stability can guarantee the rural people's loyalty to their job which can be done through governmental plans. In conclusion, low levels of living standards and unemployment are two major reasons for emigration from the undeveloped countryside to developed urban areas. Enhancing the quality of life and providing satisfied jobs in the suburb are tow possible measures to restrict this phenomenon.
Nowadays, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
facing overcrowding due to the immigration of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. This phenomenon has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes and following effects which differ in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. This essay will express
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fundamental reasons behind it and then suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it should
be said
that the most prevalent reason for immigration to urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
is searching for a higher level of living standards.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Expectedly
, metropolitans have more advanced infrastructures and facilities compared to the countryside's, which can lead to the citizen's lifestyle improvement.
For example
, better education and medical services can intensify the desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
Moreover
,
in comparison
to the suburb,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
offer greater employment positions with higher salaries.
Subsequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the cities.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcomes will
be raised
due to the increasing unchecked population.
Therefore
, there should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
policies and regulations to control population density.
For instance
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide reliable facilities and basic requirements such as healthcare services, safe transportation networks, and public leisure equipment in order to encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to stay in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
Moreover
, job satisfaction and career stability can guarantee the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's loyalty to their job which can
be done
through governmental plans.

In conclusion
, low levels of living standards and unemployment are two major reasons for emigration from the undeveloped countryside to developed urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. Enhancing the quality of life and providing satisfied jobs in the suburb are tow possible measures to restrict this phenomenon.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
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Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Nowadays more and more people are moving from countryside to cities, which are becoming overcrowded. What are the reasons for this movement and what can be done to reduce it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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