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IELTS EssayTopic - Nowadays, more and more people are choosing to socialize online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development? Kindly Evaluate and help me in understanding IELTS estimated band score for my writing. v.1

IELTS EssayTopic - Nowadays, more and more people are choosing to socialize online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development? Kindly Evaluate and help me in understanding IELTS estimated band score for my writing. v. 1
It is believed that tertiary education has advantages only individuals, therefore, the full tuition fees should be paid by students entering university. Personally, I completely disagree with this idea and I think that the government should offer free the costs. On the one hand, the government financing all tuition fees for apprentices, colleges or universities helps students reduce the burden on the fees they will have to pay for education, especially those who were born into poor families. If the government supports their education expenditures, they will focus on learning without worrying about the cost. When they focus entirely on lectures and study hard, they will gain a lot of knowledge that can benefit the country. In particular, the government should encourage the award of scholarships to students with high academic achievements to help them become more motivated to study better. On the other hand, the government should pay the full tuition fee for students is perfectly reasonable. The fact is that while still in school, students learn academic knowledge for their personal benefit, but in the future, students will be the main labour force of their country who will be working for them. The development of the country. Because, after graduation, no matter what position they take, they will return the money that the government had invested in them earlier by making a significant tax contribution to the country that could continue to invest in future social protection issues. In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, I believe that students should be provided for free education costs by the state. Consequently, it helps students concentrate more on their studies and receive equal education.
It
is believed
that tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has advantages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
individuals,
therefore
, the full tuition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
should
be paid
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
entering university.
Personally
, I completely disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should offer free the costs.

On the one hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
financing all tuition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
for apprentices, colleges or universities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the burden on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
especially
those who
were born
into poor families. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
supports their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
expenditures, they will focus on learning without worrying about the cost. When they focus
entirely
on lectures and study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
, they will gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
knowledge that can benefit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
In particular
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should encourage the award of scholarships to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with high academic achievements to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them become more motivated to study better.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should pay the full tuition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is
perfectly
reasonable. The fact is that while
still
in school,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
learn academic knowledge for their personal benefit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the future,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will be the main
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
force of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
who will be working for them. The development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, after graduation, no matter what position they take, they will return the money that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
had invested in them earlier by making a significant tax contribution to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
that could continue to invest in future social protection issues.

In conclusion
, for the reasons mentioned above, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be provided
for free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
costs by the state.
Consequently
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
concentrate more on their studies and receive equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay IELTS EssayTopic - Nowadays, more and more people are choosing to socialize online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development? Kindly Evaluate and help me in understanding IELTS estimated band score for my writing. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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