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Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solutions can you suggest? v.3

Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solutions can you suggest? v. 3
It is generally believed that some ex-criminals carry out crimes again just after their release from prison. In my opinion, the lack of effective rehabilitation system and vocational training are the major causes of reoffending crimes. I believe that, reformative steps should be taken to improve already existing system and criminals should be giving the chance of educating themselves. The first and foremost reason for offending crime again and again may be criminals are not given the opportunity to heal themselves through rehabilitation. This plays a vital role in the wellbeing of wrongdoers.  Furthermore, offenders stay in rooms which are surrounded by four walls, and merely this could be psychologically challenging for anyone.  In other words, rooms should be designed by considering humanitary values, and of course it is still required to take measures to prevent them to escape from the building. Emotional health of prisoners should be taken into account when combatting futher illegal acts. In other words, punitive systems should be left, instead we might concentrate on healing process. In old times, people used to get medicated through water sound and classical music. Similar approach may contribute to overcome this problem. For example, In Brazil, there is a compulsory reading hour each day and sports sessions as well. Secondly, many cannot find a job when they are gone out from jail, vocational training can tackle the issue of being unemployed for long years and consequently it results in less crime. In conclusion, I believe that, there should be a shift from strict and punitive system to rehabilitation. Past experiences can help us understand the importance of therapy. More education should be given to fight over the negative consequences associated with criminals and their unlawful actions such as unemployment.
It is
generally
believed that
some
ex-criminals carry out crimes again
just
after their release from prison. In my opinion, the lack of effective rehabilitation
system
and vocational training are the major causes of
reoffending
crimes. I believe that, reformative steps should
be taken
to
improve
already existing
system
and criminals should be giving the chance of educating themselves.

The
first
and foremost reason for offending crime again and again may be criminals are not
given
the opportunity to heal themselves through rehabilitation. This plays a vital role in the
wellbeing
of wrongdoers.  
Furthermore
, offenders stay in rooms which
are surrounded
by four walls, and
merely
this could be
psychologically
challenging for anyone.  
In other words
, rooms should
be designed
by considering
humanitary
values, and
of course
it is
still
required to take measures to
prevent
them to escape from the building.

Emotional health of prisoners should
be taken
into account when
combatting
futher
illegal acts.
In other words
, punitive
systems
should be
left
,
instead
we might concentrate on healing process. In
old
times,
people
used
to
get
medicated through water sound and classical music. Similar approach may contribute to overcome this problem.
For example
, In Brazil, there is a compulsory reading hour each day and sports sessions
as well
.
Secondly
,
many
cannot find a job when they
are gone
out from jail, vocational training can tackle the issue of
being unemployed
for long years and
consequently
it results in less crime.

In conclusion
, I believe that, there should be a shift from strict and punitive
system
to rehabilitation.
Past experiences
can
help
us understand the importance of therapy. More education should be
given
to fight over the
negative
consequences associated with criminals and their unlawful actions such as unemployment.
20Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solutions can you suggest? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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