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Nowadays more and more older people compete with younger people for same job. What can be the reasons for this? What would you suggest as a solution? v.1

Nowadays more and more older people compete with younger people for same job. What can be the reasons for this? What would you suggest as a solution? v. 1
In recent decades there is increased competition between aged people with their younger counterpart for the same job position. Responsibility to support the family financially by older people is the main reason along with fitness and increased life expectancy which made it possible for them to work after retirement. Realistic pension scheme and quota system for both freshers and aged people can be solutions. To start with, not having enough savings for their retire life force them to compete with youngsters. In other words, to bear the expense of their daily needs as well as their dependents become a burden for them without having sufficient money which eventually makes them search for a new job and compete against young people. For example, according to a job consultancy firm, 53%of people working in different private sectors of Bangladesh have no savings after their retirement age and start to seek a new job. Moreover, comparatively healthy elderly people with longevity than in previous years prefer to continue their working life. To explain further, as senior citizens feel healthy, rather than being a burden to others, they choose to work which makes them feel productive and increase their self-esteem. The key solution would be to enforce a reasonable retirement program by the state for older people. The government should make strict rules for every small and big company to have a mandatory pension scheme for their employees. In addition, the government should promote a fixed percentage of jobs for both young and their older counterparts. For instance, 30% of the posts that demand experience can be allocated to the aged candidate and 70% of those require high academic qualifications can be given to fresh graduate. In this way, both categories of employees will be benefited from each other sharing their knowledge and experience. In conclusion, inadequate financial support during their retirement age as well as healthy elderly people having a passion for working is two prime reasons for stiff competition of older people against younger counterpart. Law for reasonable pension policy by the government and recruiting a fixed percentage from both groups of candidate can be the solutions.
In recent decades there
is increased
competition between aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with their younger counterpart for the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
position. Responsibility to support the family
financially
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
the main reason along with fitness and increased life expectancy which made it possible for them to work after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
. Realistic pension scheme and quota system for both freshers and aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be solutions.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, not having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
savings for their retire life force them to compete with youngsters.
In other words
, to bear the expense of their daily needs
as well
as their dependents become a burden for them without having sufficient money which
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them search for a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and compete against young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, according to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
consultancy firm, 53%of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
private sectors of Bangladesh have no savings after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
age and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to seek a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Moreover
,
comparatively
healthy elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with longevity than in previous years prefer to continue their working life. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
further
, as senior citizens feel healthy,
rather
than being a burden to others, they choose to work which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel productive and increase their self-esteem.

The key solution would be to enforce a reasonable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
program by the state for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
for every
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
to have a mandatory pension scheme for their employees.
In addition
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should promote a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for both young and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
counterparts.
For instance
, 30% of the posts that demand experience can
be allocated
to the aged candidate and 70% of those require high academic qualifications can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to fresh graduate. In this way, both categories of employees will
be benefited
from each other sharing their knowledge and experience.

In conclusion
, inadequate financial support during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
age
as well
as healthy elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having a passion for working is two prime reasons for stiff competition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
against younger counterpart. Law for reasonable pension policy by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and recruiting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
percentage from both groups of candidate can be the solutions.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays more and more older people compete with younger people for same job. What can be the reasons for this? What would you suggest as a solution? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
355 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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