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Nowadays media is paying a lot of attention to life stories of famous people in fields such as cinema, sports and modeling. What are the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or negative trend? v.2

Nowadays media is paying a lot of attention to life stories of famous people in fields such as cinema, sports and modeling. What are the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or negative trend? v. 2
There is no doubt that these days social media is playing an effective role in our daily life, however, the question: What are the advantages and disadvantages of displaying news about famous people? Is being a controversial issue nowadays. In this essay I am going to examine this phenomenon from both viewpoints. Several causes are beyond the interest of the media in such popular people for instance, increase their followers in Instagram and Twitter, post more advertisements and get more attention from users and spread various opinions in a hidden way. On one side of the argument, there are people who argue that famous people news can help us to know more about their daily lives and what kind of goods or services they are using regularly so we can try the same because these will be the best. Furthermore, some of the social media influencers are doctors, scientists and inventors, so people can get some beneficial information through their updates. For example, during the disaster of Coronavirus a lot of news was adapted from the famous authorized people. On the other hand, it is possible to consider it with the opposing case, it is often argued that in fact no one cares about famous people, daily life because most of them are just looking for money and they do not care about others. Moreover, their private life will not add any benefit to us. Their interests, habits and routines may not be applicable to everyone and sometimes it is against our Islamic rules. One good illustration here is the effect of these influencers on teenagers, sometimes it leads to suicide or hurting themselves in order to copy what they have seen. In conclusion, as we have seen there is no easy answer to this question, however, I guess media have to stop following popular people daily news because it does not have any positive feedback on the regular ones.
There is no doubt that these days social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is playing an effective role in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
life,
however
, the question: What are the advantages and disadvantages of displaying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
? Is being a controversial issue nowadays. In this essay I am going to examine this phenomenon from both viewpoints.

Several causes are beyond the interest of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
in such popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for instance
, increase their followers in Instagram and Twitter, post more advertisements and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more attention from users and spread various opinions
Consider replacing "in a hidden way" with the adverb for "hidden"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a hidden way
.

On one side of the argument, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to know more about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and what kind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
or services they are using
regularly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we can try the same
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these will be the best.
Furthermore
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
influencers are doctors, scientists and inventors,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
beneficial information through their updates.
For example
, during the disaster of Coronavirus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
was adapted
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
authorized
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
, it is possible to consider it with the opposing case, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that in fact no one cares about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of them are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
looking for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
they do not care about others.
Moreover
, their private life will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
any benefit to us. Their interests, habits and routines may not be applicable to everyone and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it is against our Islamic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration here is the effect of these influencers on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it leads to suicide or hurting themselves in order to copy what they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
.

In conclusion
, as we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
there is no easy answer to this question,
however
, I guess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
following popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it does not have any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
feedback on the regular ones.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays media is paying a lot of attention to life stories of famous people in fields such as cinema, sports and modeling. What are the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or negative trend? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
320 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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