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More and more media attention is being paid to famous people who are successful in sports and movies. Why do you think this is happening? Is this a good thing? v.1

More and more media attention is being paid to famous people who are successful in sports and movies. Why do you think this is happening? Is this a good thing? v. 1
It is argued that the state should reallocate the settled budget of space technology for other crucial public services, such as colleges and universities as well as hospitals. In my opinion, I totally disagree with the aforementioned assertion because I believe that space projects are as essential as these public services, therefore the government should wisely finance both of them There are two main reasons why the authorities should subsidy space fields. The first point, Space exploration has brought to us thousands of inventions which bring to us manifold benefits to our daily life. For example, the common smoke and fire detector used in homes, hospitals and hotels was first prepared for spacecrafts as a warning system. Those devices have assisted us to enhance health and safety atmosphere in our societies. The second one, space exploration outcomes have contributed to enhance the efficiency and the quality of vital public services. For instance, conquering the space has brought to us the internet technology with all benefits contributed to enhance education system. Besides, Space technology has offered a big hand in the medical field to achieve further progress. Pacemaker used to treat cardiac patients and remote monitoring devices for intensive care patients are considered to be relevant applications of space technology. At the same time, the state should struggle to enhance the allocated money spending for important public services for relevant aspects. These public services are considered to be a cornerstone to satisfy the need of human basic survival needs. People cannot experience safe life without the existence of a strong health care system. Similarly, society members would be unable to meet the challenge of the modern world without being equipped with the updated knowledge and serviced with the highest quality of education system. Furthermore, public services are considered as an important measurement for evaluation the progress of the nation. Consequently, politics should support these services in order to maintain its developing and to improve the quality of life standards. In conclusion, it seems to me that both space technology and essential services bring equally vital benefits for the whole societies, so authority should put the full consideration for supporting them.
It
is argued
that the state should reallocate the settled budget of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
for other crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, such as colleges and universities
as well
as hospitals. In my opinion, I
totally
disagree with the aforementioned assertion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
projects are as essential as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
,
therefore
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
wisely
finance both of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
them


There are two main reasons why the authorities should subsidy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
fields. The
first
point,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Space
exploration has brought to us thousands of inventions which bring to us manifold benefits to our daily life.
For example
, the common smoke and fire detector
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in homes, hospitals and hotels was
first
prepared for spacecrafts as a warning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
. Those devices have assisted us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enhance
health and safety atmosphere in our societies. The second one,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration outcomes have contributed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enhance
the efficiency and the quality of vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
.
For instance
, conquering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
has brought to us the internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
with all benefits contributed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enhance
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has offered a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
hand in the medical field to achieve
further
progress. Pacemaker
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to treat cardiac patients and remote monitoring devices for intensive care patients
are considered
to be relevant applications of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
technology.

At the same time, the state should struggle to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enhance
the allocated money spending for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
for relevant aspects. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
are considered
to be a cornerstone to satisfy the need of human basic survival needs.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
cannot experience safe life without the existence of a strong health care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
.
Similarly
, society members would be unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the challenge of the modern world without
being equipped
with the updated knowledge and serviced with the highest quality of education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
are considered
as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
measurement for evaluation the progress of the nation.
Consequently
, politics should support these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
in order to maintain its developing and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of life standards.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
bring
equally
vital benefits for the whole societies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
authority should put the full consideration for supporting them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay More and more media attention is being paid to famous people who are successful in sports and movies. Why do you think this is happening? Is this a good thing? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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