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More and more people would like to pay more attention to the famous people who have achieved huge success in areas, such as cinema, sports. Why they attract much interest from people? Do you think it good or bad? v.1

More and more people would like to pay more attention to the famous people who have achieved huge success in areas, such as cinema, sports. Why they attract much interest from people? Do you think it good or bad? v. 1
A school of thought says that health is wealth. Maybe the perspective to this is that the better your health the more you save from hospital bills and a cheap way to achieve a better health is to exercise regularly. I absolutely agree that the most effective means to achieve a better the state of the body is by exercising frequently. One of the effects of exercising frequently is that it increases heart rate, which helps to lower blood pressure. People with high blood pressure are often advised to do simple exercises like brisk walking and jogging slowly. Exercises like yoga, stretching as well as jogging improves circulation, thereby helping to prevent clotting due to inactivity of the muscles which may result into a deep-vein-thrombosis. Exercise is similarly known to improve ventilation which helps to deliver blood rich in oxygen to the brain thus leading to better reasoning. Another benefit of exercising frequently is that it relieves stress. Stress oftentimes clogs the mind and makes the muscles become tensed, but exercising regularly helps to constantly de-clog the mind and helps relieve tension in the muscles thereby making the body lighter. Clearing the mind has also been proven to help improve mood and outlook which gives and attract positive energy. Good muscle tone and improved stamina are likewise results of exercising frequently. In conclusion, I strongly believe that the most beneficial option to attain and maintain a good state of mind and general well-being of the body is by way of exercising often which does not necessarily have to be sophisticated exercises or at a gym but simple and most importantly, often.
A school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
says that health is wealth. Maybe the perspective to this is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
your health the more you save from hospital bills and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
way to achieve a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
health is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
regularly
. I
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the most effective means to achieve a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
the state of the body is by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
frequently
.

One of the effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
frequently
is that it increases heart rate, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to lower blood pressure.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
with high blood pressure are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
advised to do simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
like brisk walking and jogging
slowly
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Exercises
like yoga, stretching
as well
as jogging
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
circulation, thereby helping to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
clotting due to inactivity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
muscles
which may result into a deep-vein-thrombosis.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Exercise
is
similarly
known to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
ventilation which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to deliver blood rich in oxygen to the brain
thus
leading to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
reasoning.

Another benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
frequently
is that it relieves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Stress
oftentimes clogs the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
muscles
become tensed,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
regularly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to
constantly
Possible spelling mistake found.
de-clog
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
relieve tension in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
muscles
thereby making the body lighter. Clearing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
has
also
been proven
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
mood and outlook which gives and attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
energy.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
muscle
tone and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
stamina are
likewise
results of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
frequently
.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that the most beneficial option to attain and maintain a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
state of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
and general well-being of the body is by way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
which does not
necessarily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be sophisticated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
or at a gym
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
simple and most
importantly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people would like to pay more attention to the famous people who have achieved huge success in areas, such as cinema, sports. Why they attract much interest from people? Do you think it good or bad? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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