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Nowadays many students live with their families while others go to another city to study at a university. Discuss advantages and disadvantages of both scenarios. Include relevant examples in your answer. v.2

Nowadays many students live with their families while others go to another city to study at a university. Discuss advantages and disadvantages of both scenarios. Include relevant examples in your answer. v. 2
Presently, most of the students are showing interest to study in the reputed educational institutions. Besides, the majority of them were living along with their parents, whereas the rest of the children's were selecting other states to complete their education. In this essay, I will debate on both the merits and demerits of the viewpoint. The majority of the students are willing to stay with their families because they were developing a lot of things. Moreover, If the child gets deviated with any extra-curricular activities, the family members can easily guide them. However, there were negative aspects in this situation also, while the children cannot take decisions on their own and face a multitude of problems in future. A research stated that 90% of the trainees in the developing countries lack self-confidence and problem-solving skills, which was not seen in the developed nations. On the other hand, people living in the developed countries opt to complete their studies by staying away from their homes. Indeed, these people will try to master a lot of things rather than simply avoiding them. On the contrary, the public lack a special bonding with their grandparents and parents, although they were capable of doing multiple works. For instance, a child staying away from their homes cannot establish a continuous relationship with their siblings and neighbours. In the conclusion, a likely reason why most of the people were interested in living with their parents because they can learn and share a lot of memories. Therefore, some people choose to stay far from their family members because they were willing to explore the world and observe a plenty of things.
Presently
, most of the students are showing interest to study in the reputed educational institutions.
Besides
, the majority of them were living along with their parents, whereas the rest of the children's were selecting other states to complete their education. In this essay, I will debate on both the merits and demerits of the viewpoint.

The majority of the students are willing to stay with their families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they were developing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things.
Moreover
, If the child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
deviated with any extra-curricular activities, the family members can
easily
guide them.
However
, there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects in this situation
also
, while the children cannot take decisions on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and face a multitude of problems
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
stated that 90% of the trainees in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
lack self-confidence and problem-solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which was not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the developed nations.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
opt to complete their studies by staying away from their homes.
Indeed
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will try to master
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things
rather
than
simply
avoiding them.
On the contrary
, the public lack a special bonding with their grandparents and parents, although they were capable of doing multiple works.
For instance
, a child staying away from their homes cannot establish a continuous relationship with their siblings and
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
.

In the conclusion, a likely reason why most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were interested
in living with their parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can learn and share
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
memories.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to stay far from their family members
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they were willing to explore the world and observe a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of things.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Nowadays many students live with their families while others go to another city to study at a university. Discuss advantages and disadvantages of both scenarios. Include relevant examples in your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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