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Nowadays many people work part or full time from home. Some people say that working from home has many benefits while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.9

Nowadays many people work part or full time from home. Some people say that working from home has many benefits while others disagree. v. 9
Whether or not people work part time or full time from home is widely debated with many people claiming that working from home has no benefit. In my opinion this argument merit serious consideration and I will explain why in this easy with pertinent argument and example. There are myriad of argument in support of my stance. The most conspicuous one is that, walking from home make increases the risk of laziness for some parent as a result there become unfit because of immobility. Another, pivotal aspect of my argument is that it increase their risk of Oedema and diabetes unlike those working from office that are always moving around from one office to another. For instance, underpinning the aforementioned an empirical of my argument is that people will start lying because they work from home, they will want to spent more time with their family than focuses on the job that they are paid to do from home. In view of the argument outlined above, one can conclude that there are more advantages to working in the office than from home. This shows that the benefit of working from office are too great to be ignored. Nevertheless the advantages of working from home should not be overlooked either.
Consider shortening this phrase to just "Whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
Whether or not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
work
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
or full time from home is
widely
debated with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claiming that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home has no benefit.

In my opinion this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
merit serious consideration and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why in this easy with pertinent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
and example. There are myriad of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
in support of my stance. The most conspicuous one is that, walking from home
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
increases the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of laziness for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parent
as a result
there become unfit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of immobility.

Another, pivotal aspect of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is that it increase their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Oedema
and diabetes unlike those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
that are always moving around from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
to another.

For instance
, underpinning the aforementioned
The phrase 'an empirical of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'an' and 'of'.
an empirical of
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
lying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they work from home, they will want to
Did you mean "spend"?
spent
more time with their family than focuses on the job that they
are paid
to do from home.

In view of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
outlined above, one can conclude that there are more advantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
than from home. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
are too great to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Nevertheless
the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home should not
be overlooked
either.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Nowadays many people work part or full time from home. Some people say that working from home has many benefits while others disagree. v. 9

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
209 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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