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Famous people sometimes give their opinions on public topics. Is this a good thing? To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Famous people sometimes give their opinions on public topics. Is this a good thing? v. 2
Now a day, it is very common to see that the famous personalities expressing their views on the topics which are related to general people. In my opinion, I think it is a good thing to do and to certain extend I agree with it, however, there is a point which is worth looking for my disagreement. To begin with, there are two points which will clarify that why I agree with the given statement. Firstly, the famous personalities are known to everyone and the general public look at them as their role models, so if they are talking about something it will catch the people's attention and they will try to follow it. For instance, the latest movement that has started in India about "Healthy living" which is launched by the Government and the brand ambassador of it is one of the famous actor of Indian cinema, so his views are highly heard by the masses and because of which it has become a successful movement. Furthermore, if Someone with the name and the fame is talking about some public issues, it will not only get the national but also the international media attention and the common man's voice will be heard. On the other hand, the only reason for my disagreement is what if the famous person advocating for the people is not mature enough and gives his or her view which is in the favour of a certain group of people, it will affect the country as a whole. To conclude, I think it is good that the famous people are becoming more vocal and they are the voice of the general public, but we as an individual need to use our sense rather than blindly following them.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
a day, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
personalities expressing their views on the topics which
are related
to general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing to do and to certain
Did you mean the noun "extent"?
extend
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with it,
however
, there is a point which is worth looking for my disagreement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are two points which will clarify that why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
personalities
are known
to everyone and the
Consider using "public".
general public
look at them as their role models,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if they are talking about something it will catch the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
attention and
they will try to follow it.
For instance
, the latest movement that has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
in India about
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Healthy living
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
which
is launched
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
and the brand ambassador of it is one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
actor of Indian cinema,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
his views are
highly
heard by the masses and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which it has become a successful movement.
Furthermore
, if

Someone with the name and the fame is talking about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
public issues, it will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the national
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the international media attention and the common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
's voice will
be heard
.

On the other hand
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
reason for my disagreement is what if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
person advocating for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
and gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
view which is in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of a certain group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it will affect the country as a whole.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
vocal and
they are the voice of the
Consider using "public".
general public
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we as an individual need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
our sense
rather
than
blindly
following them.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Famous people sometimes give their opinions on public topics. Is this a good thing? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
291 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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