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Nowadays, many people spend less time at home. What are the causes of this? What are the effects of this on individual and on society? v.2

Nowadays, many people spend less time at home. What are the causes of this? What are the effects of this on individual and on society? v. 2
In this fast-paced era, people got ample of tasks to perform in a day and most of them are done outside the home. Therefore, masses get a small amount of time to stay at home. The reasons and consequences of this have been discussed in the following paragraph. There are numerous reasons behind spending only a little amount of time at home. Firstly, nearly 80% of the population is working, they spend 8 to 10 hours at workplaces. Secondly, approximately 2 hours per day are spent while traveling to work because, in peak hours, there is heavy traffic congestion on roads. Lastly, due to the advancement in technology, people prefer to gain more advanced skills to become multi-talented. Thus, they engaged themselves in extra-curricular activities such as learning various languages, computer skills etcetera. This trend has many consequences, most of them are pernicious for an individual. These days, masses do not get enough time to spend with their families that can potentially make them mentally unhealthy. Moreover, parents do not interact with their children due to lack of time. Thus, children could indulge in bad habits which can deteriorate their future. In addition, mutual trust, bonding, and feelings will slowly vanish leading to loss of humanity. In conclusion, people should manage time properly as once it is lost, never comes back. There should be a balance between work life and personal life so that people can live their life to the fullest.
In this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
ample of tasks to perform in a day and most of them
are done
outside the home.
Therefore
, masses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to stay at home. The reasons and consequences of this have
been discussed
in the following paragraph.

There are numerous reasons behind spending
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home.
Firstly
,
nearly
80% of the population is working, they spend 8 to 10 hours at workplaces.
Secondly
, approximately 2 hours per day
are spent
while traveling to work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, in peak hours, there is heavy traffic congestion on roads.
Lastly
, due to the advancement in technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to gain more advanced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to become multi-talented.
Thus
, they engaged themselves in extra-curricular activities such as learning various languages, computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
etcetera.

This trend has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
consequences, most of them are pernicious for an individual. These days, masses do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with their families that can
potentially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them mentally unhealthy.
Moreover
, parents do not interact with their children due to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Thus
, children could indulge in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits which can deteriorate their future.
In addition
, mutual trust, bonding, and feelings will
slowly
vanish leading to loss of humanity.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
properly
as once it
is lost
, never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
back. There should be a balance between work life and personal life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their life to the fullest.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, many people spend less time at home. What are the causes of this? What are the effects of this on individual and on society? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
242 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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