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Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the causes of this? What are the effects of these on individual and society? v.9

Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the causes of this? What are the effects of these on individual and society? v. 9
It is true that the lifestyle of people has greatly changed from the last few years. Everyone is in a rush to spend his more time at work rather than staying at home. However, it has both positive and negative effects on the individual as well as society. (48) We had seen in the past that people always lead a simple life. They had limited resources and lack of education, but more time to spend with their loved ones at homes. (32) Presently, the daily routine of individuals is totally changed in the modern way of living. Nowadays, everyone wants to spend less time at home and more at work. This is because of several reasons. For example, in big cities, people always are in a hurry to achieve high status in the society. Similarly, the white collar people, mostly worked over time in order to fulfil the basic needs of their family. However, this phenomenon is not only creating a gap between family members but is also disturbing the social relations of individuals. (91) The recent trend of working for long hours has not only affects the physical and mental capacities of individuals, but also has disturbed the social balance of society. Those who worked for long hours always remained in a state of restlessness with several health issues like headache. Thus, if the people do not learn time management, then our new generation will surely have no time to spend on homes. (69) Hence, the people should perform their duties efficiently in order to run their financial circle. However, there should be a balance between work life and personal life so that they spend a happy life. (34)
It is true that the lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
from the last few years. Everyone is in a rush to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
his more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at work
rather
than staying at home.
However
, it has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
as well
as society. (48)

We had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the past that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always lead a simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. They had limited resources and lack of education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
. (32)

Presently
, the daily routine of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
is
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in the modern way of living. Nowadays, everyone wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home and more at work. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of several reasons.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always are in a hurry to achieve high status in the society.
Similarly
, the white collar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
mostly
worked over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in order to fulfil the basic needs of their family.
However
, this phenomenon is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
creating a gap between family members
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is
also
disturbing the social relations of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
. (91)

The recent trend of working for long hours has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affects the physical and mental capacities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
has disturbed the social balance of society. Those who worked for long hours always remained in a state of restlessness with several health issues like headache.
Thus
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management, then our new generation will
surely
have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
. (69)

Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should perform their duties
efficiently
in order to run their financial circle.
However
, there should be a balance between work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. (34)
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the causes of this? What are the effects of these on individual and society? v. 9

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
279 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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