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Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the causes of this? what are the effects of this on individual and society? v.5

Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the causes of this? what are the effects of this on individual and society? v. 5
It is true that in this modern world several individuals spend a very short period of time at their homes. The fundamental reason of this tendency is materialistic attitude of people, which not only has a detrimental impact on their health, but also makes the relations weaker on societal aspect. As above mentioned, a question which always occurs in the minds of people as why more and more people utilise much time out of their homes seems to be possible because of some people's rat race for earning as much as possible. This happens because we are living in a competitive world, thus, to compete others as well as to flaunt their status in society a number of people used to spend a big chunk of time at their workplaces because to earn more people have to work more. Therefore, it results in deducting their hours to spend at home. However, its impact is negative because there is no doubt in saying that when people remain occupied in their work for more time, it spoils their health. As, due to the work load they can neither take proper diet nor rest, which is essential for sound mind and healthy body. Moreover, it will not be unfair to say that our relations depend on the care and time, which is not possible for some people because of their hectic lifestyle. Giving large proportion of the time to work used to inhibit the hours to spend with other people such as family members. For instance, nowadays dysfunctional families are taking place at large scale which are mostly the cause of less time for relations because to make them strengthen more and more time is demanded. To conclude, lust to earn more and more in life is considered by this essay the major reason of spending less time at home which is elaborated fully earlier. This phenomenon leads to make body unhealthy along with spoils the chain of relations.
It is true that in this modern world several individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
short period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at their homes. The fundamental reason of this tendency is materialistic attitude of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
has a detrimental impact on their health,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relations
weaker on societal aspect.

As above mentioned, a question which always occurs in the minds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as why more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
out of their homes seems to be possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's rat race for earning as much as possible. This happens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we are living in a competitive world,
thus
, to compete others
as well
as to flaunt their status in society a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
chunk of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at their workplaces
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
to earn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more.
Therefore
, it results in deducting their hours to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
at home.

However
, its impact is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is no doubt in saying that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
remain occupied in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, it spoils their health. As, due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
load they can neither take proper diet nor rest, which is essential for sound mind and healthy body.
Moreover
, it will not be unfair to say that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relations
depend on the care and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, which is not possible for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their hectic lifestyle. Giving large proportion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to inhibit the hours to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as family members.
For instance
, nowadays dysfunctional families are taking place at large scale which are
mostly
the cause of less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them strengthen more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is demanded
.

To conclude
, lust to earn more and more in life
is considered
by this essay the major reason of spending less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home which
is elaborated
fully
earlier. This phenomenon leads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
body unhealthy along with spoils the chain of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relations
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the causes of this? what are the effects of this on individual and society? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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