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Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the causes of this? What are the effects of this on individuals and on society? v.3

Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the causes of this? What are the effects of this on individuals and on society? v. 3
Home is a place where we can chill, take a rest, and have a quality time with our family. However, nowadays, city dwellers spend most of their time outside their home. In this essay, I shall discuss some possible root causes of this phenomenon and give my perspective about how this case will have an impact on both personal and social life. To begin with, the long office hours make workers spend most of their time in the office. For example, the average workers spend a minimum of eight hours at their workplace. This number is subtracted by eight hours of sleep, which means people still have eight hours of free time daily. Unfortunately, this number has not included a total of six hours of getting trapped on the road because of the traffic jam in both directions, going to the office and going back home. So, workers only have two hours effective to spend their quality time at home with their family members. Moreover, this phenomenon can lead to several negative effects because most people need emotional support from family to neutralise their negative emotions and separate them from the stressful working environment. If it is not fulfilled, it can cause severe depression, which can have an impact on workers’ performance in the office. For example, employees who are struggling with their depression can barely work effectively to reach their targets. It is scientifically proven that people’s emotional states have a correlation with work performance and results. This kind of workers can cause an unhealthy working society and environment. In conclusion, I believe that long office hours and traffic congestion are two main root causes that make people spend less time at home. Spending less time at home means spending less time with family, which can lead to depression in the long run due to lack of necessary emotional support and connection and furthermore can create an unhealthy working environment.
Home is a place where we can chill, take a rest, and have a quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
However
, nowadays, city dwellers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
outside their home. In this essay, I shall discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible root
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of this phenomenon and give my perspective about how this case will have an impact on both personal and social life.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
.
For example
, the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
a minimum of eight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
at their workplace. This number
is subtracted
by eight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of sleep, which means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
have eight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
daily. Unfortunately, this number has not included a total of six
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of getting trapped on the road
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the traffic jam in both directions, going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
and going back home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
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workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
effective to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.

Moreover
, this phenomenon can lead to several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need emotional support from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'neutralise' is British English.
neutralise
their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
emotions and separate them from the stressful working environment. If it is not fulfilled, it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
severe depression, which can have an impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers’
performance in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
.
For example
, employees who are struggling with their depression can
barely
work
effectively
to reach their targets. It is
scientifically
proven that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
emotional states have a correlation with work performance and results. This kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
an unhealthy working society and environment.

In conclusion
, I believe that long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
and traffic congestion are two main root
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home. Spending less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home means spending less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, which can lead to depression in the long run due to lack of necessary emotional support and connection and
furthermore
can create an unhealthy working environment.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the causes of this? What are the effects of this on individuals and on society? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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