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Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the causes of this? What are the effects of this on individuals and the society? v.12

Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the causes of this? What are the effects of this on individuals and the society? v. 12
People are being less in their home these days. The reason behind this is although people don't have any work, they seem more busy nowadays. I would like to add a point that would help the fact supporting to this is an individual has a developed an idea about being absent in the all way long journey. However, it seems particularly less vague in coming to the point. Firstly, I would have gone to Canada if I got the visa. There are people around the world who smile at people being nice. The fact is they face so many problems in their lives. Because of this, linking words should be correct and crucial to learn more vocabularies in order to get the high band in the exam. I just consider this as a practice to analysis how good I am with the structure. If it is okay, then I will need to concentrate on the structure only. During my past exams, I failed like anything due to the lack of practice I guess. Secondly, yesterday there was an alumni meet which was conducted by the seniors who studied in my college. I think it went well because the photos are nice and seem all were enjoying the party. I couldn't, however, go to the function because of the lack of my I have. I hope, one day everything will be back on track and I am hoping for that. Am I writing any complicated sentences? If not, I should consider writing them in order to analyse my grammar accuracy. In conclusion, I believe that I have written with perfect grammar, even though there are only few complex sentences. Anyway, this practice keeps me motivated a little that I could do well during my exam. I am excited to check the grammar mistakes now.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are being less in their home these days. The reason behind this is although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't have any work, they seem more busy nowadays. I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
a point that would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the fact supporting to this is an individual has a developed an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about being absent in the all way long journey.
However
, it seems
particularly
less vague in coming to the point.

Firstly
, I would have gone to Canada if I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the visa. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world who smile at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
being nice. The fact is they face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Because of this
, linking words should be correct and crucial to learn more vocabularies in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the high band in the exam. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
consider this as a practice to analysis how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
I am with the structure. If it is okay, then I will need to concentrate on the structure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. During my past exams, I failed like anything due to the lack of practice I guess.

Secondly
, yesterday
Did you mean "there were an alumni"?
there was an alumni
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
which
was conducted
by the seniors who studied in my college. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it went well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the photos are nice and seem all were enjoying the party. I couldn't,
however
, go to the function
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of my I have.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
hope, one day everything will be back on
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
track and
I am hoping for that. Am I writing any complicated sentences? If not, I should consider writing them in order to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
my grammar accuracy.

In conclusion
, I believe that I have written with perfect grammar,
even though
there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
few complex sentences. Anyway, this practice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
me motivated a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
that I could do well during my exam. I
am excited
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the grammar mistakes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the causes of this? What are the effects of this on individuals and the society? v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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