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Some people think that children who spend alot of time reading children's story books are wasting their time which could be better used doing other more useful activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that children who spend alot of time reading children's story books are wasting their time which could be better used doing other more useful activities. v. 1
While some companies care about dress code others don’t pay attention to the workers’ clothes at all. The second group more focuses on quality of work in lieu of outlook. More and more organizations tend to change their old habits and adapt to the up to date trends. One of these trends is flexible working conditions such as free clothing in the office. Because, managers think that employees might focus on their work, not on their appearance. Workers should not feel any pressure on them about strict clothing rules. However, it should not be forgotten that employees should obey some moral rules to prevent any prospective discussion. For instance, people should not go to work wearing a bikini just because it is not forbidden. Dress codes are mostly enforced in the public sector more than the private ones for the sake of royal outlook. Meanwhile, governmental organizations care about the rules, the private organizations let their employees act freely. The reason for that, the main aim of the private sector is getting more profit and private companies can be flexible to increase their income to reach their goal. Steve Jobs can be a great example for that. Mr. Jobs had dozens of same pullovers and wore the same clothes all the time. He did not care about his appearance and focused on his job. So that he stimulated the brand, Apple, as a world-class technological device. In conclusion, there is a debate among organizations about dress code definitions and each of them has its own reasons. I believe that people can have comfortable and nice clothes at the same time.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
care about dress code others don’t pay attention to the workers’ clothes at all. The second group more focuses on quality of work in lieu of outlook.

More and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
habits and adapt to the up to date trends. One of these trends is flexible working conditions such as free clothing in the office.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, managers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that employees might focus on their work, not on their appearance. Workers should not feel any pressure on them about strict clothing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.
However
, it should not
be forgotten
that employees should obey
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
moral
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
any prospective discussion.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should not go to work wearing a bikini
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is not forbidden.

Dress codes are
mostly
enforced in the public sector more than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
ones for the sake of royal outlook. Meanwhile, governmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
care about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their employees act
freely
. The reason for that, the main aim of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
sector is getting more profit and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can be flexible to increase their income to reach their goal. Steve Jobs can be a great example for that. Mr. Jobs had dozens of same pullovers and wore the same clothes all the time. He did not care about his appearance and focused on his job.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that he stimulated the brand, Apple, as a world-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
technological device.

In conclusion
, there is a debate among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
about dress code definitions and each of them has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
reasons. I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can have comfortable and nice clothes at the same time.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Some people think that children who spend alot of time reading children's story books are wasting their time which could be better used doing other more useful activities. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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