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Nowadays, many people choose to be self employed rather than work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages. v.1

Nowadays, many people choose to be self employed rather than work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages. v. 1
Recently, most individuals preferred to be an entrepreneur rather than being a member of staff in a company. Both choices has its own merits and demerits impact, but in my opinion, i prefer to be an employee because of the huge benefits it comes with. To begin with, leaving behind a comfortable and a regular paying job for prospective entrepreneurs can be daunting. The fear of the unknown can ruin all the great ideas an individual having to start up the business. The major reason an individual opts to be self employed is because they feel they have a limited time and define life style. Sometimes the work load is not favourable and these make them spend less time with their family and friends. Also, most individual want to be independent and does not want to report to anyone. Being an entrepreneur opens an opportunity of employment for their communities. However, business security is not guaranteed and sustainability of steady income which sometimes cause an obvious threat to the business, thereby causing debts and irregular salary payment of employees. On the other hand, being an employee brigs a lot of advantages and lower risk. One is paid a regular monthly salary with additional benefits like health insurance, pension, leave allowances and sometimes official car. Some employees even have an advantage of learning more skill through the company which makes a positive impact in their career growth. In conclusion, decision making in either to be self employed or work in an organization depends on individual and both has its weaknesses which can be very challenging. In my opinion, i feel being an employee has a better advantage than being self employed because of the tremendous benefits
Recently, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
preferred to be an entrepreneur
rather
than being a member of staff in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

Both choices
You should probably use "have", "haven".
has
its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
merits and demerits impact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my opinion,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
prefer to be an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the huge benefits it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, leaving behind a comfortable and a regular paying job for prospective entrepreneurs can be daunting. The fear of the unknown can ruin all the great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
having to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
up the business. The major reason an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
opts to be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self employed
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they feel they have a limited time and define life style.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
the work load is not
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
and these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them spend less time with their family and friends.
Also
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
want to be independent and does not want to report to anyone.

Being an entrepreneur opens an opportunity of employment for their communities.
However
, business security is not guaranteed and sustainability of steady income which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
cause an obvious threat to the business, thereby causing debts and irregular salary payment of employees.

On the other hand
, being an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
brigs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages and lower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
. One
is paid
a regular monthly salary with additional benefits like health insurance, pension,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
allowances and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
official car.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
even have an advantage of learning more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
through the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact in their career growth.

In conclusion
,
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
in either to be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self employed
or work in an organization depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
and both has its weaknesses which can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
challenging.

In my opinion,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
feel being an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
has a better advantage than being
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self employed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the tremendous benefits
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay Nowadays, many people choose to be self employed rather than work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages. v. 1

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
284 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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