Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

More and more women go out to work. Is it the government's responsibility to subsidise them and provide free staff and facilities to care for their children? To what extent do you agree or disagree with this idea? v.1

More and more women go out to work. Is it the government's responsibility to subsidise them and provide free staff and facilities to care for their children? with this idea? v. 1
It is  undeniable  fact that women's role in The society has changed. They're doing jobs in every sector to the authorities should help females in order to look after their children while they're working by giving them facilities. This essay agrees with this statement and believe  that government should support them by providing free staff  for their offspring. It will make them free of the burden and then talk about how this thing can motivate mothers to work harder. To begin with, government should organise free staff for female workers because it reduces the responsibilities toward children. In other words, if the authorities take the responsibility of children, mothers will get a help in managing their work and motherhood. Women can rely on them without any hesitation so they can work stress free. For instance, Canada is the country where women do jobs without any burden of children because Canada's government should give free staff for the children. Another factor to consider is that, women get encouraged by these facilities because they will work hard because they do not have to look after their offsprings so they will not be tired. To put it in other words, free stuff is beneficial for mothers because they have to do less effort at home so they will be fresh in the workplace. To illustrate, a recent research carried out by Cambridge University found that mothers who have such facilities are fresh and hardworking in the workplace. In conclusion, after having discussed pertinent points, I believe that with the help of free stuff provided by government is advantageous for women that work.
It is
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
undeniable
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
fact that women's role in The society has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. They're doing jobs in every sector to the authorities should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
females in order to look after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
while they're working by giving them facilities. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with this statement and believe
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should support them by providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
staff
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
for their offspring. It will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
of the burden and then talk about how this thing can motivate mothers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
harder.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
staff for female workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the responsibilities toward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
In other words
, if the authorities take the responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, mothers will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in managing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and motherhood.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
can rely on them without any hesitation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
.
For instance
, Canada is the country where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
do jobs without any burden of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Canada's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
staff for the children.

Another factor to consider is that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
encouraged by these facilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
look after their offsprings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will not
be tired
. To put it
in other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
stuff is beneficial for mothers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do less effort at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will be fresh in the workplace. To illustrate, a recent research carried out by Cambridge University found that mothers who have such facilities are fresh and hardworking in the workplace.

In conclusion
, after having discussed pertinent points, I believe that with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
stuff provided by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is advantageous for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more women go out to work. Is it the government's responsibility to subsidise them and provide free staff and facilities to care for their children? with this idea? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts