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Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. What might be the cases? What could be the disadvantage of being self-employed? v.5

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. What might be the cases? What could be the disadvantage of being self-employed? v. 5
In recent years, it has become far more common for people to be self-employed, instead of working for a corporation. From my point of view, there are various explanations for the phenomenon and working for ourselves could have certain drawbacks. Several causes have contributed to the rise of self-employment. For starters, many people choosing to work for themselves are attracted by the benefits of flexible working hours as well as freedom of creation. Which means that they don’t need to punch in and out everyday and less restrictions are imposed on their work. That’s probably the reason why self-employment is especially popular among writers, designers and artists whose jobs require creative thinking rather than rules and regulations. In addition, internet development also makes freelance available to a broader group of people. Nowadays, internet plays a vital role in connecting people who are in need of certain services with those who can satisfy their requirements. With the help of internet, people no longer need to rely on a company or organization to find their target customers and they are able to earn decent income all by themselves. No doubt that an increasing number of people start to work for themselves. Nevertheless, being self-employed also has some negative impact on individuals and the whole society. From personal perspectives, becoming self-employed means that people need to take responsibility for themselves. As for those who are not self-disciplined enough or lacking in time-management skills, being a freelancer could lead to low efficiency and anxiety. They might find they accomplish nothing and lose control of their own life. Furthermore, compared with those who working in a company, self-employed group is more likely to suffer from isolation and loneliness. On the societal level, the popularity of self-employment could pose a threat to the current tax system or the labour laws, which may cause some chaos among society. In a word, even though a growing number of people are attracted by the benefits of self-employment, it also has some negative impacts on individuals and the society.
In recent years, it has become far more common for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be self-employed,
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for a corporation. From my point of view, there are various explanations for the phenomenon and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for ourselves could have certain drawbacks.

Several causes have contributed to the rise of self-employment. For starters,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choosing to work for themselves
are attracted
by the benefits of flexible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours
as well
as freedom of creation. Which means that they don’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to punch in and out
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
and
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun restrictions is countable.
less
restrictions
are imposed
on their work. That’s
probably
the reason why self-employment is
especially
popular among writers, designers and artists whose jobs require creative thinking
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations.
In addition
, internet development
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
freelance available to a broader group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Nowadays, internet plays a vital role in connecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of certain services with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can satisfy their requirements. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
no longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to rely on a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or organization to find their target
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
customers and
they are able to earn decent income all by themselves. No doubt that an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to work for themselves.

Nevertheless
, being self-employed
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on individuals and the whole society. From personal perspectives, becoming self-employed means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to take responsibility for themselves. As for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not self-disciplined
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
or lacking in time-management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, being a freelancer could lead to low efficiency and anxiety. They might find they accomplish nothing and lose control of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life.
Furthermore
, compared with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, self-employed group is more likely to suffer from isolation and loneliness. On the societal level, the popularity of self-employment could pose a threat to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
tax system or the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
laws, which may cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
chaos among society.

In a word,
even though
a growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are attracted
by the benefits of self-employment, it
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on individuals and the society.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. What might be the cases? What could be the disadvantage of being self-employed? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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