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Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantage of being self employed? v.2

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantage of being self employed? v. 2
Our world is a world of innovation & creation. In this world of creativity, everyone chooses to be self dependant as the independence gets the most priority. Hence, people want to be their own boss in terms of employment to get an opportunity to get the best in oneself out. We all need a job to earn our bread in order to keep our flesh & soul together. That job lies behind the economic support we get every day to meet our daily needs. But, this job experience varies from man to man. Nowadays, people prefer to be self employed rather than to work for others. It is because, everyone sees himself as an individual and someone different from others and having some potentialities which can make him successful if can properly be utilised. Moreover, it is impossible to work of one's own choice if someone is working for others. Consequently, all choose to build their own empire. Although, this is a good initiative to have own job but, the way of making such decision and materialising it, is not a piece of cake. For this, one must have a huge economic support and take a lot of risk to reach the golden root of success. Furthermore, there may be fiascoes which may halt the speed of progress, but only those can be successful who can continue with great concentration and devotion. To sum up, it is really a great notion of building one's own dream and paving the way of employment for others, but there are several risks which are worth taking.
Our world is a world of innovation & creation. In this world of creativity, everyone chooses to be self
Possible spelling mistake found.
dependant
as the independence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
the most priority.
Hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to be their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
boss in terms of employment to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the best in oneself out.

We all need a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to earn our bread in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our flesh & soul together. That
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
lies behind the economic support we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
every day to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
our daily needs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
experience varies from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
. Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self employed
rather
than to work for others. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
himself as an individual and someone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from others and having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potentialities which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him successful if can
properly
be
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
.
Moreover
, it is impossible to work of one's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choice if someone is working for others.
Consequently
, all choose to build their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
empire.

Although, this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
initiative to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, the way of making such decision and
Possible spelling mistake. 'materialising' is British English.
materialising
it, is not a piece of cake. For this, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have a huge economic support and take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
to reach the golden root of success.
Furthermore
, there may be fiascoes which may halt the speed of progress,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
those can be successful who can continue with great concentration and devotion.

To sum up, it is
really
a great notion of building one's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
dream and paving the way of employment for others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
which are worth taking.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantage of being self employed? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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