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Nowadays, many old cities are redesigned and rebuilt in order to look modern. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this practice? v.1

Nowadays, many old cities are redesigned and rebuilt in order to look modern. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this practice? v. 1
In the contemporary era, people live in a global village on earth due to the advanced development of digital devices and the internet. Although the quality of lives has been improved constantly,   perfect communities have not achieved worldwide. In terms of each individual view, the criteria for a perfect community vary in terms of different cultures and historical backgrounds. The essay will list some criteria for an ideal community and some strategies to achieve an ideal community. To begin with,  it is a fact that an ideal community will be determined by many factors.   Firstly, a community consists of local residents; therefore, human beings with a kind heart and correct social values are one of the most important elements of an ideal community.  In addition,   a harmonious living environment for local residents to raise their families is a crucial feature of a perfect community as well.  Well-developed economic sector, family-friendly living environment, zero -level pollution and zero  crime rate are all crucial elements for a perfect community. Last but not the least, a government that has always placed its residents' interest firstly will be another important feature as well. As a result,  all citizens feel comfortable to raise their families there. How to establish a perfect society is an extremely tough task worldwide in the human history. I believe that following some strategies in any community will guide a community to develop into a perfect one. Firstly, it is crucial to establish a government which presents for local citizens' best interest. Then local citizens should realize that it also is their basic responsibility to contribute to the communities. Maintaining a clear living environment, fighting against any crimes and being a role model for their children all will contribute their communities to develop into perfect ones. Moreover, a perfect community should provide local residents with  universal access to health care service and all kinds of education. In summary, as reviewing the history of human beings, there were many scholars worldwide had planned or even had carried out their agenda to establish a perfect community. In current advanced technology, a perfect community should provide harmony and peaceful living environment for its residents. To establish a perfect society will rely on many factors as well.
In the contemporary era,
people
live
in a global village on earth due to the advanced development of digital devices and the internet. Although the quality of
lives
has been
improved
constantly
,
  perfect
communities have not achieved worldwide. In terms of each individual view, the criteria for a
perfect
community vary in terms of 
different
cultures and historical backgrounds. The essay will list
some
criteria for an
ideal
community and
some
strategies to achieve an
ideal
community.

To
begin
with,
 
it is a fact that an
ideal
community
will
be determined
by
many
factors.
 
Firstly
, a community consists of
local
residents
;
therefore
, human beings with a kind heart and correct social values are one of the most
important
elements of an
ideal
community
.  
In addition
,
 
a harmonious living
environment
for
local
residents
to raise their families is a crucial feature of a
perfect
community
as well
.  Well-developed economic sector, family-friendly living
environment
, zero -level pollution and zero
 
crime rate are all crucial elements for a
perfect
community
. Last
but
not the least, a
government
that has always placed its residents' interest 
firstly
will be another
important
feature 
as well
.
As a result
,
 
all citizens feel comfortable to raise their families there.

How to establish a
perfect
society is an
extremely
 tough task worldwide in the human history. I believe that following
some
strategies in any
community
will guide a community to develop into a
perfect
one.
Firstly
, it is crucial to establish a
government
which presents for
local
citizens' best interest. Then
local
citizens should realize that it
also
is their basic responsibility to contribute to the
communities
. Maintaining a
clear
living
environment
, fighting against any crimes and being a role model for their children all will contribute their
communities
to develop into
perfect
ones.
Moreover
, a
perfect
community should provide
local
residents
with
  
universal access to health care service and all kinds of education.

In summary, as reviewing the history of human beings, there were
many
scholars worldwide had planned or even had carried out their agenda to establish a
perfect
community
. In
current
advanced technology, a
perfect
community should provide harmony and peaceful living
environment
for its
residents
. To establish a
perfect
society will rely on
many
factors
as well
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, many old cities are redesigned and rebuilt in order to look modern. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this practice? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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