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he charts below show the percentage of households in owned and rented accommodations in England and wales between 1918 and 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

he charts below show the percentage of households in owned and rented accommodations in England and wales between 1918 and 2011.
In many countries now the workforce consists of more women than men. Yet, there are few women in managerial positions. Hence, some people argue that a certain number of senior level positions should be reserved for women. In my opinion, this is not a viable solution because it will benefit neither women nor the organizations hiring them. Reserving jobs on the basis of gender benefits none. It will ensure that women can easily climb up the corporate ladder because there are positions reserved for them. Unfortunately, this will discourage them from achieving higher education or working hard. Hence, instead of reserving seats for women, girls should be taught from an early age that they too can become a manager or a CEO if they wish because the opportunities are there regardless of their genders. Furthermore, imposing a quota will only encourage companies to find another way to outsmart the system. For example, a company can change the title of a position to just fill a vacancy. For these reasons, women are not benefited when jobs / positions are reserved for them at the workplace. On the other hand, it is important for the company to be able to employ the best available candidate for the positions. When there are no gender based quotas, it will ensure that the most talented people get to the top. Moreover, companies that hire the best people for the right positions tend to be more successful. This in turn will create more opportunities available within the company and then the company can hire more people including women to fill the additional available positions. Thus it is evident that reserving managerial positions for women is not the right solution to ensure gender equality at the workplace. In conclusion, since forcing companies to hire more women just to follow the law can only cause more harm than good, I strongly believe that companies should be able to hire people based on their qualifications, and not gender.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the workforce consists of more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.
Yet
, there are few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in managerial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that a certain number of senior level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
should
be reserved
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. In my opinion, this is not a viable solution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will benefit neither
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
nor the organizations hiring them.

Reserving jobs on the basis of gender benefits none. It will ensure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can
easily
climb up the corporate ladder
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
reserved for them. Unfortunately, this will discourage them from achieving higher education or working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.
Hence
,
instead
of reserving seats for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, girls should
be taught
from an early age that they too can become a manager or a CEO if they wish
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the opportunities are there regardless of their genders.
Furthermore
, imposing a quota will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to find another way to outsmart the system.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the title of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
fill a vacancy. For these reasons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are not benefited when jobs /
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
are reserved
for them at the workplace.

On the other hand
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to be able to employ the best available candidate for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
. When there are no gender based quotas, it will ensure that the most talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to the top.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hire
the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
tend to be more successful. This in turn will create more opportunities available within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hire
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to fill the additional available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
it is evident that reserving managerial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
is not the right solution to ensure gender equality at the workplace.

In conclusion
, since forcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hire
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to follow the law can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cause more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
based on their qualifications, and not gender.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay he charts below show the percentage of households in owned and rented accommodations in England and wales between 1918 and 2011.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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