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Few people like to buy technical device as soon as they are lunched while, other like to buy after the reviews. Which do you prefer and why? v.1

Few people like to buy technical device as soon as they are lunched while, other like to buy after the reviews. Which do you prefer and why? v. 1
Recently, the majority of humans are concerned about how clean their houses and offices are. Although some people think having an untidy surrounding effect the efficiency of their productivity, I believe it is crucial to live in a tidy environment with that being both the place you sleep or work at. Because a clean place gives you a boost of motivation and help to avoid losing things. With a stressed lifestyle, most of the people have between work issues and family problems. People do need some encouragement to keep moving forward. A clean space around will definitely help to feel better about themselves. Not only that, but also makes them more productive and less agitated. For example, some days I come back home after a long day of work feeling miserable, but then looking at my well put together bed makes me feel better. Being in a messy area has more potential of people losing their personal belongings phones, documents and car keys. Because stuffs are being thrown everywhere cannot really tell where everything is supposed to be and you spend a long time looking for things. For instance, my dad’s office is very dirty with tons of papers in every corner. He usually if not every day loses his motorcycle’s key and then spends a few minutes to find it. All in all, living in a clean and well-organized environment is essential for everyone. Although it takes some time and energy to clean places, I believe it is very important to do so in order to have a less depressive more productive lifestyle without wasting time trying to find missing objects. However, after seeing my dad’s experience with losing keys I will definitely keep my office tidy.
Recently, the majority of humans
are concerned
about how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clean
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and offices are. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
having an untidy surrounding effect the efficiency of their productivity, I believe it is crucial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a tidy environment with that being both the place you sleep or work at.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clean
place gives you a boost of motivation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to avoid losing things.

With a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
lifestyle, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have between work issues and family problems.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
do need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
encouragement to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
moving forward. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clean
space around will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to feel better about themselves. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more productive and less agitated.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
days I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back home after a long day of work feeling miserable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
then looking at my well put together bed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me feel better.

Being in a messy area has more potential of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
losing their personal belongings phones, documents and car keys.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
stuffs are
being thrown
everywhere cannot
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
where everything
is supposed
to be and you spend a long time looking for things.
For instance
, my dad’s office is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
dirty with tons of papers in every corner. He
usually
if not every day loses his motorcycle’s key and then spends a few minutes to find it.

All in all, living in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clean
and well-organized environment is essential for everyone. Although it takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time and energy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clean
places, I believe it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in order to have a less depressive more productive lifestyle without wasting time trying to find missing objects.
However
, after seeing my dad’s experience with losing keys I will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
my office tidy.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay Few people like to buy technical device as soon as they are lunched while, other like to buy after the reviews. Which do you prefer and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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