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Nowadays many families move overseas for job opportunities Some people think that this is beneficial for the children of these families while others think children will find it difficult Discuss both view and give your own opinion v.2

Nowadays many families move overseas for job opportunities Some people think that this is beneficial for the children of these families while others think children will find it difficult 2
The trend of moving to developed countries along with families for employment has profusely risen today. The children of these families benefited with better education and lifestyle which they being deprived off in developing countries. Undoubtedly, shifting to new content alone with children result in adaptability issues. This means that kids have to move to new culture in new schools and colleges. Children who are shy feels inferior along with local schoolmates and are also being bullied. For example, a recent research has shown that 85 percentage of Asian kids faces racism in foreign countries. Nevertheless, the benefits associated with it can not be overlooked. The families which move to developed nations for better work opportunities are able to give improved lifestyle to their offspring. As, that are able to earn more this aids them to live a luxurious lifestyle. Moreover, children can give financial aid to family members living in developing countries. Furthermore, in foreign countries the education system is upgraded and this gives a good platform to the kids for their future development. The academic system is equipped with latest technology and gadgets which in turns improves skills and knowledge, as better education makes children a better person in life. To recapitulate, although shifting to foreign nations with children might be fatal as they have to face racism but the benefits of good opportunities for education and lifestyle outweigh the demerits.
The trend of moving to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
for employment has
profusely
risen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
benefited with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
which they
being deprived
off in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
.

Undoubtedly
, shifting to new content alone with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
result in adaptability issues. This means that kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to new culture in new schools and colleges.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
who are shy feels inferior along with local schoolmates and are
also
being bullied
.
For example
, a recent research has shown that 85 percentage of Asian kids faces racism in foreign countries.

Nevertheless
, the benefits associated with it can not
be overlooked
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to developed nations for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
work opportunities are able to give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
to their offspring.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
, that are able to earn more this aids them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can give financial aid to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members living in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
.

Furthermore
, in foreign countries the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system
is upgraded
and this gives a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
platform to the kids for their future development. The academic system
is equipped
with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
technology and gadgets which in turns
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
person in life.

To recapitulate, although shifting to foreign nations with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might be fatal as they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face racism
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the benefits of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
outweigh the demerits.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays many families move overseas for job opportunities Some people think that this is beneficial for the children of these families while others think children will find it difficult 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
233 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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