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Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world. How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously? v.3

Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world. How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously? v. 3
In various nations around the world, big cities are filled with people from many parts of the world. While this offers advantages, the government need to look into how these people can live in harmony. There are few possible courses of action to ensure harmonious living. In the first place, the government could launch a nationwide campaign to raise public awareness about the importance of culture differences. For instance, advertisements by the ministry of culture and community about the danger of social friction should be regularly shown on television. Another way forward could be for local communities hold cultural events, so that people can understand various cultures surrounding them. If people understand the cultural differences amongst themselves, the frictions can be lessened. In addition to that, the authority can also tap on education system to educate children about cultural differences. For example, In Jakarta, culture and sociology are subjects taught in classes. The reason is that Jakarta as Indonesia’s capital city, has many people who come to study and work. Thus, teaching about social interaction from young could play a crucial part of the society in future. In conclusion, social frictions can happen anywhere when there are diversities, but there are many ways that the government can ensure harmonious living amongst its citizen. As mentioned above, tapping on media and education system can help to reduce these risks. Given this situation, it is crucial that the government should take the steps immediately in order to ensure peace and harmony of its residents.
In various nations around the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities
are filled
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world. While
Did you mean "these"?
this
offers advantages, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
need to look into how these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in harmony.

There are few possible courses of action to ensure harmonious living. In the
first
place, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could launch a nationwide campaign to raise public awareness about the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
differences.
For instance
, advertisements by the ministry of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and community about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of social friction should be
regularly
shown on television. Another way forward could be for local communities hold cultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can understand various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
surrounding them. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
understand the cultural differences amongst themselves, the frictions can
be lessened
.

In addition
to that, the authority can
also
tap on education system to educate children about cultural differences.
For example
, In Jakarta,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and sociology are subjects taught in classes. The reason is that Jakarta as Indonesia’s capital city, has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to study and work.
Thus
, teaching about social interaction from young could play a crucial part of the society
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.

In conclusion
, social frictions can happen anywhere when there are diversities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can ensure harmonious living amongst its citizen. As mentioned above, tapping on media and education system can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
this situation, it is crucial that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take the steps immediately in order to ensure peace and harmony of its residents.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world. How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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