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Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world. How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously? v.4

Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world. How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously? v. 4
In recent years, many people with different cultures have immigrated around the world. Then many problems come up with life in those cities, and the authority needs to take many actions to make citizens settle in a harmonious city. Firstly, the government should impose law and order. If we do not have the lawful society, social evils will harm its citizens, and some suffer from insecurity. It is not a perfect right and a livable environment. Will you park your car in the place where the thief can steal it during the night? One more example is that children face the threat of being kidnapped on the way to school. Secondly, to live better in the crowded and varied cities, community spirit is needed. People help each other when their neighbours have troubles. They call the police right away when they detect wrongdoers in the neighbourhood. A specific action is to keep the city clean. As a result, this helps them have a decent living space. Finally, people join hands with universe justice, and I would like to say about equality of payment. Men and women are treated somewhat on the same basis. They get paid according to their talent and ability. No racism is allowed in the multicultural society. Then everyone will be ready to participate in the social activities such as sports events, musical shows, community work. In conclusion, I argue that it is not easy to have a peaceful living in the cities which have the variety of culture and people. All governments need more efforts for the citizens. It is a tendency to live a better life everywhere for the entire world.
In recent years,
many
people
with
different
cultures have immigrated around the world. Then
many
problems
come
up with life in those
cities
, and the authority needs to take
many
actions to
make
citizens settle in a harmonious city.

Firstly
, the
government
should impose law and order. If we do not have the lawful society, social evils will harm its citizens, and
some
suffer from insecurity. It is not a perfect right and a livable environment. Will you park your car in the place where the thief can steal it during the night? One more example is that children face the threat of
being kidnapped
on the way to school.

Secondly
, to
live
better in the crowded and varied
cities
, community spirit
is needed
.
People
help
each other when their
neighbours
have troubles. They call the police right away when they detect wrongdoers in the
neighbourhood
. A specific action is to
keep
the city clean.
As a result
, this
helps
them have a decent living space.

Finally
,
people
join
hands with universe justice, and I would like to say about equality of payment.
Men
and women
are treated
somewhat on the same basis. They
get
paid according to their talent and ability. No racism is
allowed
in the multicultural society. Then everyone will be ready to participate in the social activities such as sports
events
, musical
shows
, community work.

In conclusion
, I argue that it is not easy to have a peaceful living in the
cities
which have the variety of culture and
people
. All
governments
need more efforts for the citizens. It is a tendency to
live
a better life everywhere for the entire world.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world. How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously? v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
276 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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