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Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously v.1

Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously v. 1
Nowadays, reading books is an unpopular option as a source of knowledge and leisure. It is considered by some that books are losing its importance. In my opinion, I totally agree because advancement of technology has brought us an easier way to access information and a wide range of free visual entertainment. Technology such as artificial intelligence helps us to gather all the data around the world and allow us to obtain it through surfing the Internet using the search engine, Google, which is totally free. For example, if we need information on a particular topic for the assignment, we just have to simply type in the keyword, then Google it, all the articles related will pop us within a short period of time. Furthermore, we no longer need to flip the thick book page by page, but at our fingertips. Thus, the demand of book as source of information decreases. Moreover, people today think reading books are boring and uninteresting activity because there are many kinds of entertainment available such as remote game console, computer and mobile games, and sports, which are more exciting and fun. Moreover, some people enjoy watching video or reality show online using YouTube. Besides, it is considered by some that playing sports such as badminton and football enable toxic released through sweat, which can strengthen the body’s immune system and keep fit. In conclusion, technology has made our life a more comfortable, time-saving and money saving, making reading a replaceable option as a source of information and entertainment.
Nowadays, reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
is an unpopular option as a source of knowledge and leisure. It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are losing its importance. In my opinion, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
advancement of technology has brought us an easier way to access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and a wide range of free visual entertainment.

Technology such as artificial intelligence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to gather all the data around the world and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us to obtain it through surfing the Internet using the search engine, Google, which is
totally
free.
For example
, if we need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on a particular topic for the assignment, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
simply
type in the keyword, then Google it, all the articles related will pop us within a short period of time.
Furthermore
, we no longer need to flip the thick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
page by page,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at our fingertips.
Thus
, the demand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
as source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
decreases.

Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are boring and uninteresting activity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of entertainment available such as remote game console, computer and mobile games, and sports, which are more exciting and fun.
Two successive sentences begin with the same adverb. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
enjoy watching video or reality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
online using YouTube.
Besides
, it
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that playing sports such as badminton and football enable toxic released through sweat, which can strengthen the body’s immune system and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit.

In conclusion
, technology has made our life a more comfortable, time-saving and money saving, making reading a replaceable option as a source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and entertainment.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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