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nowadays many countries have every cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world. how can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously? v.2

nowadays many countries have every cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world. how can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously? v. 2
That is true many metropolitan turn into a universal cities, and they have their own beneficial and drawbacks. There are several ways, in which government ensure that all civilizations can live in calm with together. Firstly, government must create essential infrastructures for cosmopolitan cities. Such as, international schools or local language learning courses. These facilities provide a situation in which people can adopt with new society easily. Secondly, providing some booklets about necessary numbers, address and something like that is useful. In my money, it would be great, if governments provide some lesson about different cultures in schools in order to preparing children for adopt new cultures and endure them. Living people from different cultures with together may cause some problems. For avoiding these problems, government must ordain some laws. The argument and combat between people about cultural and religious issues will be reduced by this protection program. For example principle religious in my home country is Islam, but everyone is free to live according to his or her idea, and there are lots of churches and temples here. That is to say that, government is the main power source in any country, so it must use its own power. For example lots of TV programs are made by government’s budget, so this tool can be used for this purpose. In summary, globalization con not be stopped, so governments must do their best and proper cities and people for easy adoption, and it can be possible by education, some law and others.
That is
true
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
metropolitan turn into a universal
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "city"?
cities
, and they have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
beneficial and drawbacks. There are several ways, in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "ensures".
ensure
that all civilizations can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in calm with together.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
create essential infrastructures for cosmopolitan cities. Such as, international schools or local language learning courses. These facilities provide a situation in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can adopt with new society
easily
.
Secondly
, providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
booklets about necessary numbers, address and something like
that is
useful. In my money, it would be great, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
lesson about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures in schools in order to preparing children for adopt new cultures and endure them.

Living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures with together may cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems. For avoiding these problems,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
ordain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
laws. The argument and combat between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about cultural and religious issues will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by this protection program.
For example
principle religious in my home country is Islam,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
everyone is free to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, and there are lots of churches and temples here.
That is
to say that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is the main power source in any country,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
power.
For example
lots of TV programs
are made
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
budget,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this tool can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for this purpose.

In summary, globalization con not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
do their best and proper cities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for easy adoption, and it can be possible by education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
law
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay nowadays many countries have every cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world. how can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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