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The money given to help poor countries does not solve the problem of poverty, so rich countries should give other types of help instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

The money given to help poor countries does not solve the problem of poverty, so rich countries should give other types of help instead. v. 4
For many recent years, a huge amount of financial aid has been given to impoverished nations to help them deal with poverty. Although this solution may help in some aspects, I personally think that the problem could not be handled completely by giving money and governments should implement other alternatives should be deployed. It can be clearly seen that the solution of pouring money into destitute countries has many drawbacks. The first point to note is that the money may never reach people in need. In many developing countries, the lack of transparency and ability to lead the nations of the management systems are causing prevalent corruption in government structure. As a result, politicians and government officials become those who are benefited instead of their citizens. In addition, the recipient countries mostly are not capable of making the best use of monetary support since they may not have enough skilled manpower, technology or infrastructure to develop with the money given. An illustration would be my country, Vietnam, which is still a developing country yet we have owed billions of dollars to foreign nations. Furthermore, in some cases, the poor countries will become dependent on donor countries as they have been used to getting help from other rich countries. As a consequence, the receiving countries become increasingly more dependent on their givers and more heavily indebted. On the other hand, there are still some certain positive sides of this scheme. It is undeniable that the donations provided by developed countries have definitely helped accelerate the economy of the poor nations in some extents. Moreover, foreign aids have saved many lives in those countries which usually suffer from disasters and diseases every year. In conclusion, donating money to destitute nations may improve the situation in some ways, however, it is not a comprehensive solution and other kinds of help such as changing the constitution, promote education and healthcare systems as well as combat corruption in order to handle the problems properly.
For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
recent years, a huge amount of financial aid has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to impoverished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them deal with poverty. Although this solution may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the problem could not
be handled
completely by giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should implement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
alternatives should
be deployed
.

It can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the solution of pouring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
into destitute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks. The
first
point to note is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
may never reach
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in need. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, the lack of transparency and ability to lead the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
of the management systems are causing prevalent corruption in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
structure.
As a result
, politicians and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
officials become those who
are benefited
instead
of their citizens.
In addition
, the recipient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
mostly
are not capable of making the best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of monetary support since they may not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
skilled manpower, technology or infrastructure to develop with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
. An illustration would be my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, Vietnam, which is
still
a developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
yet
we have owed billions of dollars to foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
Furthermore
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will become dependent on donor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
as they have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. As a consequence, the receiving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
become
increasingly
more dependent on their givers and more
heavily
indebted.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides of this scheme. It is undeniable that the donations provided by developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
accelerate the economy of the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extents.
Moreover
, foreign aids have saved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which
usually
suffer from disasters and diseases every year.

In conclusion
, donating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to destitute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the situation in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways,
however
, it is not a comprehensive solution and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
such as changing the constitution, promote education and healthcare systems
as well
as combat corruption in order to handle the problems
properly
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay The money given to help poor countries does not solve the problem of poverty, so rich countries should give other types of help instead. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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