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Nowadays many children are playing computer games instead of doing sports activities Why is it happening Is it a negative or positive development v.1

Nowadays many children are playing computer games instead of doing sports activities Why is it happening Is it a negative or positive development v. 1
Sports are replaced by online games and multimedia devices in modern era. No child is going out and doing some physical activity. This essay opines that its completely a negative development because it brings many disorders and huge impact on children’s mental and physical growth. This essay will discuss the effects and impacts of computer gaming on younger brains. To begin with, due to dramatic change in technology ever since 19th century it has made possible that, a person can play any game which he can feel to play, and at his comfort without moving physically, confining to a idle place with the help of computer and digital tablets where they can download millions of games, but as they are kids they wouldn’t know what changes that kind of games would bring them in future. This is happening just because of lack of awareness of physical games and benefits of it. Other reasons could be busy parents who cannot able to spend time for their kids to play in leisure or go out with kid. For instance, one of my neighbour family always insists their kid to play digital online games as they could work peacefully without their kids disturbance. Although computer games and streaming sites has some benefits such as intellectual behaviour development, one can have these benefits only when they can limit themselves to it. But, physical sports activities has many benefits when compared to computer games, one can learn what could a team work would help with and keeps body tone maintains a healthy life and physique if they continue them for the rest of their age In conclusion, although computer games are at times acceptable, they need to be limited and sports activities needs to be encouraged all the time when leisure period is available, parents needs to make kids aware of what a physical sport can make them achieve and should monitor them while they are on computers or mobile devices.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
are replaced
by online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and multimedia devices in modern era. No child is going out and doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity. This essay opines that its completely a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disorders and huge impact on children’s mental and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
growth. This essay will discuss the effects and impacts of computer gaming on younger brains.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, due to dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in technology ever since 19th century it has made possible that, a person can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
any game which he can feel to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
, and at his comfort without moving
physically
, confining to
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
idle place with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of computer and digital tablets where they can download millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
they wouldn’t know what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
that kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
would bring them
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. This is happening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of it. Other reasons could be busy parents who
Did you mean "cannot be able"?
cannot able
to spend time for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
in leisure or go out with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
.
For instance
, one of my
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
family always insists their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
digital online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
as they could work
peacefully
without their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
disturbance.

Although computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and streaming sites has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
such as intellectual
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
development, one can have these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when they can limit themselves to it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
when compared to computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, one can learn what could a team work would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
body tone maintains a healthy life and physique if they continue them for the rest of their age

In conclusion
, although computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are at times acceptable, they need to
be limited
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities needs to
be encouraged
all the time when leisure period is available, parents needs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
aware of what a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them achieve and should monitor them while they are on computers or mobile devices.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays many children are playing computer games instead of doing sports activities Why is it happening Is it a negative or positive development v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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