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These days many children spend a lot of their time playing computer games but little time doing sports. Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Most of the children these days are spending there time playing computer games and spend less time playing outside sports. Why is this happening? Is this a positive or negative development. v. 2
Yes, today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and a little time on sports. In the virtual environment, children are spending lots of time in online computer games. Because nowadays children are getting more addicted to computer games as it is exciting and relaxes. In my point of view, sports are essential to children and computer games will help them to boost up ideas. I agree both are positive development. Many companies are producing the games much creative and it is easily to get children addict. It is very easy to play all sort of games on computer. Due to urbanization the empty lands are taken by private companies to built shopping malls and skyscrapers. That’s the reason children cannot use their time play outdoor games. They are tent to sit in home in-front of computer to play video games. Due to security reasons, parents are afraid to send their children for outdoor games. Parents should encourage children to play sports. To be healthier children should focus on sports. To get creative ideas they can equally play computer games. However it is very important always to find which is more essential for the feature. To conclude with this topic, both computer games and sports will give positive development. It creates a opportunities for children. Sports gives more healthier life and other side computer games will boost up their ideas. Children should spend their time equally for both computer games and sports. Always be energetic and create ideas.
Yes,
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today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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children
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
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time
playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
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time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. In the virtual environment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are spending lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in online computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are getting more addicted to computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
as it is exciting and relaxes. In my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are essential to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to boost up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
both are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are producing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
much creative and it is
easily
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
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children
addict. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
all sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on computer. Due to urbanization the empty lands
are taken
by private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to built shopping malls and skyscrapers. That’s the reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
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time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. They are
Consider using a past participle here: "tented".
tent
to sit in home in-front of computer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Due to security reasons, parents are afraid to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for outdoor games.

Parents should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. To be healthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
they can
equally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
always to find which is more essential for the feature.

To conclude
with this topic, both computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
will give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development. It creates
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a opportunity" or simply "opportunities"?
a opportunities
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "Sport gives" or "Sports give".
Sports gives
Use only "healthier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more healthier
life and other side computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
will boost up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
equally
for both computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. Always be energetic and create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
.
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IELTS essay These days many children spend a lot of their time playing computer games but little time doing sports. Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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