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Nowadays many business meetings and trainings are happening online and not in real offices. Do you think advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages in this matter? v.1

Nowadays many business meetings and trainings are happening online and not in real offices. Do you think advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages in this matter? v. 1
One of the most common arguments held by the masses is that there should be a considerable increase to be done in the retirement age on account of present health improvement promising a long life. Some of people who are about to leave their job see themselves as an abandoned, since they are not strong and energetic enough to work. In their opinion, the retired are the group who are useless and unimportant part of the society. In this case, increasing the retirement age can give such elderly people another chance to spend more time on the way of national progress. In turn, their intention to sacrifice themselves for the country may make the young impressed and motivated. In other words, they will probably become a national icon. On account of these, this change being discussed could lead the society to new challenges and achievements. However, retirement is a precious award given by the government for one who has spent the majority of his life as a working life. A person giving up his job is just about to start a new stage in his life. It is the time when he should have a rest and be taken care. Moreover, there are such tough professions, such as firefighters, that it is unfair to ask them to work more. All we have a job to live on, but few works for human beings and development. Life after retirement means the respect for such kind of people. It demonstrates how the government appreciates the value of employees who have worked hard for a long time. In conclusion, giving either agreement or disagreement is very difficult, since it requires a great life experience. The best final decision, however, should be up to those who are going to retire.
One of the most common arguments held by the masses is that there should be a considerable increase to
be done
in the
retirement
age on account of present health improvement promising a long life.

Some
of
people
who
are about to
leave
their job
see
themselves as an abandoned, since they are not strong and energetic
enough
to work. In their opinion, the retired are the group
who
are useless and unimportant part of the society.
In this case
, increasing the
retirement
age can give such elderly
people
another chance to spend more time on the way of national progress.
In
turn, their intention to sacrifice themselves for the country may
make
the young impressed and motivated.
In
other words, they will
probably
become a national icon. On account of these, this
change
being discussed
could lead the society to new challenges and achievements.

However
,
retirement
is a precious award
given
by the
government
for one
who
has spent the majority of his
life
as a working
life
. A person giving up his job is
just
about to
start
a new stage in his
life
. It is the time when he should have a rest and
be taken
care.
Moreover
, there are such tough professions, such as firefighters, that it is unfair to ask them to work more. All we have a job to
live
on,
but
few works for human beings and development.
Life
after
retirement
means the respect for such kind of
people
. It demonstrates how the
government
appreciates the value of employees
who
have worked
hard
for a long time.

In conclusion
, giving either agreement or disagreement is
very
difficult, since it requires a great
life
experience. The best final decision,
however
, should be up to those
who
are going to retire.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays many business meetings and trainings are happening online and not in real offices. Do you think advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages in this matter? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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