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Research shows that business meetings, discussions and training are happening online nowadays. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Research shows that business meetings, discussions and training are happening online nowadays. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
In today's world, the society is increasingly modernized, leading to some changes in the way people work. It is argued that it becomes a common phenomenon among people to have online business conferences, discussion or even training. From my perspective, the disadvantages of this trend are more significant for some reasons. It is undeniable that this trend creates some favorable conditions for people. The primary one would be the convenience when working online. What people could do is to access easily to the internet so having unpredictable situations such as traffic congestions might not occur, which means that special events are likely to embark on time. This helps the work not to be delayed and become more efficient. In addition, by discussing through the internet, people can not only do many tasks simultaneously, but also work in a long distance. For example, while listening to online courses, students are able to summarize the contents into the diagram systems, which promotes their creativity and imagination rather than merely learning in traditional ways. Furthermore, Amazon is a perfect example for working far away from the workplace. People are allowed to work at home where they can find the comfort and motivation instead of being structured by the nine-to-five job. However, this claim is largely exaggerated. Sitting too much time in front of the screen probably cause eye-disordered disease or a sedentary lifestyle. On the other hand, a long distance occupation might bring adversely drawbacks to the ordinary. It is obvious that there is a lack of direct interaction among people when working through a screen. When it comes to a project, it is necessary to exchange information within a team so as to not only find out flaws but also finish the work before the deadline. This testament shows that communicating face-to-face helps them to stay focused on their task and to hone their teamwork skill. Additionally, that people engage in online meetings would make them become passive. An online training course, for instance, only shows them images while it is better to translate theory into practice, which helps them to improve their performance in their fields. In conclusion, working online has few benefits due to its convenience, however i do believe this trend has disadvantages outweigh advantages at the end.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, the society is
increasingly
modernized, leading to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. It
is argued
that it becomes a common phenomenon among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
business conferences, discussion or even training. From my perspective, the disadvantages of this trend are more significant for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.

It is undeniable that this trend creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
favorable conditions for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The primary one would be the convenience when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. What
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could do is to access
easily
to the internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
having unpredictable situations such as traffic congestions might not occur, which means that special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
are likely to embark on time. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
not to
be delayed
and become more efficient.
In addition
, by discussing through the internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tasks
simultaneously
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a long distance.
For example
, while listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
courses, students are able
to summarize
the contents into the diagram systems, which promotes their creativity and imagination
rather
than
merely
learning in traditional ways.
Furthermore
, Amazon is a perfect example for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
far away from the workplace.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home where they can find the comfort and motivation
instead
of
being structured
by the nine-to-five job.
However
, this claim is
largely
exaggerated. Sitting too much time in front of the screen
probably
cause eye-disordered disease or a sedentary lifestyle.

On the other hand
, a long distance occupation might bring
adversely
drawbacks to the ordinary. It is obvious that there is a lack of direct interaction among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
through a screen. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to a project, it is necessary to exchange information within a team
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
find out flaws
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
finish the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the deadline. This testament
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that communicating face-to-face
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to stay focused on their task and to hone their teamwork
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.
Additionally
, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
meetings would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them become passive. An
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
training course,
for instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
them images while it is better to translate theory into practice, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their performance in their fields.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
has few benefits due to its convenience,
however
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
do believe this trend has disadvantages outweigh advantages at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Research shows that business meetings, discussions and training are happening online nowadays. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
379 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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