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Nowadays it is more difficult for children to concentrate or pay attention in school. What could be the possible reasons for this? Which are the solutions you can propose? v.1

Nowadays it is more difficult for children to concentrate or pay attention in school. What could be the possible reasons for this? Which are the solutions you can propose? v. 1
It is true that children face a lot of challenges in their schools these days to give complete focus on academics due to various reasons. Even though there are many causative factors, parents and teachers can take several steps to mitigate these issues. There are many reasons behind the lack of concentration among school children in classrooms. First and foremost, unlike the past, today the number of broken and single-parent families is increasing. Children from such families cannot focus completely on their studies as they are not mentally healthy and happy. For example, in India, a recent survey report showed that failure rate is much higher among children who come from problematic families than the other children. Next, nutritional status is another important fact. Since pupils have more things to study, they often skip breakfast to save time. As a result, they become fatigued and weak easily when they reach schools and it affects negatively in their academic performance. Other important reasons for the lack of attention among children in schools are increasing air and noise pollutions, unhealthy diets, addition to computer games and insufficient parenting. However, there are several ways to tackle these problems effectively. I believe the most obvious solution is that parents should maintain a healthy and comfortable environment at home, which provides mental pleasure and energy to children for performing in school appropriately. Besides, they will be happy instead of unreasonable mental agony and psychological depression. Consequently, they can achieve higher grade or score in examinations. A further step would be to encourage nutritional intake of children by parents and teachers. Parents should prepare a balanced diet for students and moreover, they should promote and cultivate nutritional healthier habits. Next, nutritional classes should be organised in school premises to increase the awareness among pupils. The teacher should make sure that the classes are interesting and children’s can enjoy them. It is natural that when a classroom does not grab the attention of children, they will feel disconnected and bored. Enough emphasis should be put on making lessons suitable for children. Parents should make sure a healthy lifestyle and balanced diet for their school going children. To conclude, despite many causes and risk factors, parents and teachers can share a collective responsibility to enhance the concentration of children at school and studies to a large extent.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
challenges in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
these days to give complete focus on academics due to various reasons.
Even though
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
causative factors,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can take several steps to mitigate these issues.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons behind the lack of concentration among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in classrooms.
First
and foremost, unlike the past,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
the number of broken and single-parent families is increasing.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
from such families cannot focus completely on their studies as they are not mentally healthy and happy.
For example
, in India, a recent survey report
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that failure rate is much higher among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from problematic families than the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Next
, nutritional status is another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
fact. Since pupils have more things to study, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
skip breakfast to save time.
As a result
, they become fatigued and weak
easily
when they reach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and it affects
negatively
in their academic performance. Other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons for the lack of attention among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are increasing air and noise pollutions, unhealthy diets, addition to computer games and insufficient parenting.

However
, there are several ways to tackle these problems
effectively
. I believe the most obvious solution is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should maintain a healthy and comfortable environment at home, which provides mental pleasure and energy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for performing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
appropriately
.
Besides
, they will be happy
instead
of unreasonable mental agony and psychological depression.
Consequently
, they can achieve higher grade or score in examinations. A
further
step would be to encourage nutritional intake of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should prepare a balanced diet for students and
moreover
, they should promote and cultivate nutritional healthier habits.
Next
, nutritional classes should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
premises to increase the awareness among pupils. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that the classes are interesting and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
can enjoy them. It is natural that when a classroom does not grab the attention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they will feel disconnected and bored.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Enough
emphasis should
be put
on making lessons suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure a healthy lifestyle and balanced diet for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
going children.

To conclude
, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
causes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
factors,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can share a collective responsibility to enhance the concentration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and studies to a large extent.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays it is more difficult for children to concentrate or pay attention in school. What could be the possible reasons for this? Which are the solutions you can propose? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
389 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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