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Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.7

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. v. 7
People have different views about whether or not work on school projects with a group. Some believe in teamwork while others don’t. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument in detail and provide evidence as to why working with a team is superior. On one hand, students who work on school activities within a team get desirable output due to effective ideas. When they work together, they get several ideas as more number of masterminds involved. For instance, if 6 students are brainstorming together, then each one will come up with at least 2 or 3 different approaches so that a productive design can be developed. As a result, due to diverse thought processes, desirable outcomes can be achieved. Also, students who work collaboratively can enhance teamwork skills. Nowadays, jobs demand this quality and in an interview, they check this by throwing random case studies. Consequently, parents want their child to develop this quality and send them for team assignments workshops. Hence, teamwork skills are important to attain desirable output in the projects and also to succeed in future jobs. On the other hand, Students who work alone becomes independent. They work alone starting from idea generation to end output results. In fact, they have full control of the final product which gains them self confidence. For instance, in a recent survey by Education Organisation, it has been declared that students who work alone are much more independent than work in a team. In addition, students who work solitary can be more flexible with their working hours. They can work in rigid timings. If it suits best to work in the evenings or on the weekends a person working on his own can make that choice. Thus, students who work alone are much more independent and work on their convenient schedule. In conclusion, Although working alone makes the student independent and can choose their flexible working hours, working with a group enhance teamwork and results in an effective outcome. In my opinion, it is more beneficial for students to work in a team not only to get higher results but to enhance teamwork skills. Having said that, parents and teachers should involve students in collaborative work to build their overall growth in the near future.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on school projects with a group.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teamwork
while others don’t. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument in detail and provide evidence as to why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
is superior.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on school activities within a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
desirable output due to effective
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. When they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
together, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
as more number of masterminds involved.
For instance
, if 6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are brainstorming together, then each one will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with at least 2 or 3
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
approaches
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that a productive design can
be developed
. As a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
, due to diverse
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
processes, desirable outcomes can
be achieved
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
collaboratively
can enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teamwork
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Nowadays, jobs demand this quality and in an interview, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
this by throwing random case studies.
Consequently
, parents want their child to develop this quality and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
them for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
assignments workshops.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teamwork
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to attain desirable output in the projects and
also
to succeed in future jobs.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
becomes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
starting from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
generation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
output
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
. In fact, they have full control of the final product which gains them
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confidence
.
For instance
, in a recent survey by Education
Possible spelling mistake. 'Organisation' is British English.
Organisation
, it has
been declared
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
are much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
solitary can be more flexible with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours. They can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in rigid timings. If it suits best to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the evenings or on the weekends a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
on his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
that choice.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
are much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on their convenient schedule.

In conclusion
, Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
and can choose their flexible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with a group enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teamwork
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
in an effective outcome. In my opinion, it is more beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teamwork
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Having said that, parents and teachers should involve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in collaborative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to build their
overall
growth in the near future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
377 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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