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In many countries in the world people buy clothes and choose hairstyles according to latest fashion? Why is this happening? Is this a positive or a negative development? v.1

In many countries in the world people buy clothes and choose hairstyles according to latest fashion? Why is this happening? Is this a positive or a negative development? v. 1
Zoos remain popular places for people to visit for entertainment and to learn about wild animals. Although some people are of the opinion that zoos can provide a sanctuary for endangered animals and so should be kept open, I believe that the cruelty that animals suffer outweighs this benefit, and that they should be shut down. These days, animals are under threat from humans in many ways, seen for example in the way that their habitats are being destroyed through the cutting down of rain forests, or through poaching. Following on from this, the argument is that zoos can protect some of these animals that are under threat. The reason is that they are in a safe environment managed by trained staff who can ensure the animals are looked after and can produce offspring. There are examples of successes in this respect, such as with Pandas, which have been endangered for many years but have been protected. However, there are more convincing arguments for why zoos should be shut down. Firstly, even though some species are under threat, there are lots of animals which do not fall into this category and who are there just for the entertainment of visitors. While it may be fun and educational to see them, animals are not meant to be caged, and their distress can often be seen in the way many of them pace back and forwards all day. Not only this, if the prime reason of zoos is to protect animals, this could be done in other environments such as wild life parks where the animals have more freedom. In conclusion, animals should be protected but this does not have to be in zoos. Zoos are cruel to animals, not similar enough to their natural habitat, and they should be closed down
Zoos remain popular places for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to visit for entertainment and to learn about wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that zoos can provide a sanctuary for endangered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
open, I believe that the cruelty that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
suffer outweighs this benefit, and that they should
be shut
down.

These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are under threat from humans in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
for example
in the way that their habitats are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
through the cutting down of rain forests, or through poaching. Following on from this, the argument is that zoos can protect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
that are under threat. The reason is that they are in a safe environment managed by trained staff who can ensure the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are looked
after and can produce offspring. There are examples of successes in this respect, such as with Pandas, which have
been endangered
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
have
been protected
.

However
, there are more convincing arguments for why zoos should
be shut
down.
Firstly
,
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
species are under threat, there are lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
which do not fall into this category and who are there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for the entertainment of visitors. While it may be fun and educational to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are not meant to
be caged
, and their distress can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them pace back and forwards all day. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this, if the prime reason of zoos is to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, this could
be done
in other environments such as wild life parks where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
have more freedom.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should
be protected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this does not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be in zoos. Zoos are cruel to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, not similar
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to their natural habitat, and they should
be closed
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
down
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries in the world people buy clothes and choose hairstyles according to latest fashion? Why is this happening? Is this a positive or a negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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