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Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development? v.6

Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development? v. 6
At the present time, children fell under the pressure in order to succeed on account of their parents. I believe that it has more negative side compared to the positive one. Pursuant to some reasons, elders put too much tension on their children that they want their children to be successful. The reason why parents behave like this is that they are worried about their future life and career too. However, it has so many disadvantages that impact to them. One of the adverse effects of it is influencing to children psychologically that falling under the pressure makes them to have a stress. As parents have great expectations for their kids, it causes children to have a responsibility for it, but sometimes it may be beyond from their competences. So, at this time they become distressing and heartbreaking because of incapability. Moreover, choosing the best field of elders for their kids is not reasonable. It may be the cause of doing it by parents is giving them more convenient life, especially they mostly concern about their future incomes or their living. Whereas, it is against of children’s rights that they cannot choose their field themselves, in addition the field that parents choose may not be suitable for kids’ capability. It is better to give them a permission to choose their own occupation, since they know in which range they are good at. In short, as it is mentioned above, according to some logical reasons, it is not the best choice to put much pressure on children because of their future life. The best way is to let them be free on their choices.
At the present time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
fell under the pressure in order to succeed on account of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. I believe that it has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side compared to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
one.

Pursuant to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons, elders put too much tension on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that they want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be successful. The reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
behave like this is that they
are worried
about their future life and career too.
However
, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages that impact to them. One of the adverse effects of it is influencing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
psychologically
that falling under the pressure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have great expectations for their kids, it causes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have a responsibility for it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it may be beyond from their competences.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, at this time they become distressing and heartbreaking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of incapability.

Moreover
, choosing the best field of elders for their kids is not reasonable. It may be the cause of doing it by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is giving them more convenient life,
especially
they
mostly
concern about their future incomes or their living. Whereas, it is against of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
rights that they cannot choose their field themselves,
in addition
the field that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
choose may not be suitable for kids’ capability. It is better to give them a permission to choose their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
occupation, since they know in which range they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at.

In short, as it
is mentioned
above, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
logical reasons, it is not the best choice to put much pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their future life. The best way is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them be free on their choices.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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