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In many countries in the world, people buy clothes and choose hairstyles according to the latest fashion. Why is this happening? Do you think it is this a positive or negative development? v.1

In many countries in the world, people buy clothes and choose hairstyles according to the latest fashion. Why is this happening? Do you think it is this a positive or negative development? v. 1
Today, people are following the latest fashion and are grooming themselves accordingly. This revolutionary change is due to the easy availability of merchandise and advertising. I believe that it is a positive trend for individuals and society. The primary reason behind this prevailing trend is globalization and digital technology, which have made the way for international businesses to flourish across various nations. This is because global brands, fashionable clothes, and styles, which were limited to a particular country are now easily available in many countries. Moreover, advertisements have greatly influenced people to follow fashion trends. For the reason that many celebrities are made brand ambassadors and they start advertising for the products on television, newspapers, and social media. Thus, people become aware of what is trending in the market and it certainly creates an impulse in them to buy it online or from stores. In my opinion, this is beneficial for an individual because it helps in enhancing one’s personality. In other words, this boosts their self-confidence and body image. This is because people who are up to date are always looked upon by their colleagues and friends and are appreciated. To illustrate this, studies have shown that people who are stylish and trendy are more happy and cheerful. Furthermore, due to increasing demand, there has been tremendous growth in the business. This ultimately has increased the rate of employment in various sections like production, marketing, packaging, sales. Hence, it has reduced the percentage of the unemployed population significantly, which is good for any nation's development. In conclusion, as new fashion is accessible to people due to globalization, they can follow it with ease. It creates employment to a large extent, and also aids in boosting one’s personality and confidence. It is, therefore, indeed a positive development.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are following the latest fashion and are grooming themselves
accordingly
. This revolutionary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is due to the easy availability of merchandise and advertising. I believe that it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend for individuals and society.

The primary reason behind this prevailing trend is globalization and digital technology, which have made the way for international businesses to flourish across various nations. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
global brands, fashionable clothes, and styles, which
were limited
to a particular country are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
easily
available in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.
Moreover
, advertisements have
greatly
influenced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to follow fashion trends. For the reason that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
celebrities
are made
brand
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ambassadors and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
advertising for the products on television, newspapers, and social media.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become aware of what is trending in the market and it
certainly
creates an impulse in them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it online or from stores.

In my opinion, this is beneficial for an individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in enhancing one’s personality.
In other words
, this boosts their self-confidence and body image. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are up to date are always looked upon by their colleagues and friends and
are appreciated
. To illustrate this, studies have shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are stylish and trendy are more happy and cheerful.
Furthermore
, due to increasing demand, there has been tremendous growth in the business. This
ultimately
has increased the rate of employment in various sections like production, marketing, packaging, sales.
Hence
, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the percentage of the unemployed population
significantly
, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for any nation's development.

In conclusion
, as new fashion is accessible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
due to globalization, they can follow it with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
. It creates employment to a large extent, and
also
aids in boosting one’s personality and confidence. It is,
therefore
,
indeed
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay In many countries in the world, people buy clothes and choose hairstyles according to the latest fashion. Why is this happening? Do you think it is this a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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